Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for many years and I have found it very interesting. I have a problem. I am 35 and my husband is 67. When I met him, I was very much in love with him, but all that has changed now.

He is not able to have sex with me. He struggles to get an erection. He has to be having oral sex with me all the time. Whenever I talk about the situation, he gets upset. He suspects that I have a boyfriend, and it is true but I cannot do better. If I leave him, he can block my papers from going through Immigration.

When I first started to cheat, it used to bother me, but now it doesn't because I love sex and I am getting what I want. Don't get me wrong, sometimes he is able to have sex with me but not as when I first met him. I tried to pretend that all was well, but all was not well.

When I am going out, I tell him where I am going. I even tell him what time he should pick me up. Sometimes I make him take me, for him to believe that the place he dropped me is where I am going, but it is not. My boyfriend picks me up from there and takes me to his place and after we have our time together, he takes me back and my husband picks me up. My husband wouldn't believe that I was not where he dropped me off.

I am living in a nice home and there is nothing that my husband would not give me. But I know that the day is coming when I will have to leave him.

I have two children and they are living with their father. I would love to take them, but I don't want to take them and then I leave my husband and they would have to move again.

Sometimes I consider what is the right thing to do. I have everything to my comfort, but the sex with my husband is not exciting and there are days when I feel for sex almost all day.

My husband was married twice before and he said his two former wives kept men with him. My boyfriend has another woman. He told me that he is not going to marry her, because he doesn't trust her. He will marry me when I divorce my husband. I am confused.

L.D.

Dear L.D.,

I suggest that you end the relationship with the man with whom you are having the extra-marital affair. You are living dangerously. You have been fortunate to find a good husband. He takes care of you. All the bills are paid. You should not be having an affair.

What you should be doing is to work with your husband. He is having problems. He cannot function sexually all the time, but there are so many methods that sexually dysfunctional men can use these days that if their wives would cooperate with them, their wives could achieve sexual satisfaction. You are just a bad woman and you have declared that you do not feel any form of remorse. You are a wicked woman. You should be accompanying your husband to see a urologist and do everything possible for him to feel loved and appreciated.

The man with whom you are having an affair knows what to tell you to make you feel special. He said that he does not trust his present girlfriend. Therefore, he would not marry her, but he would marry you after you have got your divorce. You would be a fool to believe that. He wouldn't trust you either because he is aware of the tricks that you have been playing on your husband and he would believe that you would play the same tricks on him.

If you continue to trick your husband and give him the wrong information about your whereabouts, don't be surprised if one of these days he shows up much earlier than you expected him and discovers that you are not there.

I repeat, end the relationship with your boyfriend and work with your husband. Remember when you got married to him you knew his age, and you should have known that the older a man gets, it is unlikely that he would have the sexual stamina as a young man.

Pastor