Dear Pastor,

I have met this Jamaican man whom I adore. We talk every day and all day on the phone. He told me about his bills that he is struggling with. How do I know if this is some sort of scam or he is for real?

I am planning a trip to Jamaica this month to visit him. He is 40 and very handsome. I am sure any woman would be glad to have him.

But how can I know he is sincere? I am an American and I have never been to Jamaica, but I really want to be with this man

K.M.

Dear K.M.,

I have no reason to doubt that you feel the need for a man. But does that mean that you should take any man, and especially a man who is very broke that he has to be telling you about the heavy burden he is carrying with bills? Whether this man is a con man or he is genuine, I cannot tell. However, I know for sure that good men don't burden women with their debts, especially women they are just getting to know.

You have no obligation to this man. You are not engaged or married to him, nor do you know whether or not he is speaking the truth. But suppose he is speaking the truth, does that mean that you should give him money to take care of his debts? I would consider you a very silly person if you were to do so.

By the way, how did you meet this man? And how is it that both of you talk on the phone every day and all day? Don't you work? Perhaps if this man had a job, he would be paying his own bills and he wouldn't have the time to be on the phone with you all day.

Jamaican women are smart. They are not perfect, but the majority of them are smart. I expect American women to be smart also and not allow men to con them.

The people in Jamaica would welcome you as a visitor, but I must warn you not to allow this man to make any arrangements for you to stay during the time you are in the country. Make sure you stay in a hotel. There are some very good and reasonable hotels all over the country. You can also rent a car to move around or hire a taxi driver that the hotel would recommend.

Be careful how you handle the visit and how you spend your money. Be aware of sweet-talking men. You said this guy is very handsome. Don't allow that to get you into trouble. I don't know the gentleman but I don't want you to write me in a few months to tell me that you have been tricked.

Pastor