Dear Pastor,

Greetings to my Jamaican people, I am a regular reader of your Column. I read it online and I would like to say that you are a good man. I am 55 years old and living out of Jamaica for the last 30 years. I am now a widower. My two children, a boy and a girl are big people now and on their own.

We are a close family. My daughter told me that I should never get married again, but I can have a girlfriend. Would you believe it that she got one of her friends for me? This woman is 40 years old. She has her own house and I have my own house. Sometimes she sleeps at my house, and sometimes I sleep at her house. She is not Jamaican and she cannot cook Jamaican food, so when she is with me, I do the cooking. She makes me feel young again.

Pastor, I have been thinking about coming home to Jamaica. I only have five years left to work. This woman says that if I go to Jamaica, she would go with me. I told her that from what I have heard Jamaica is still tough and that she could not stand Jamaica's hard life; plus she would have to give up her job.

Before my daughter introduced her to me, she told me that she was married but her husband and herself broke up, but I should not question her about it. She does not have children. Some women want you to give them everything, but she is always buying me things, including sexy underwear. I told my daughter that I must get married because I want to go to church. My girlfriend wants to be a Christian too.

Pastor I don't know what to do. Please give me your advice.

J.O.

Dear J.O.,

I am pleased to hear that you enjoy reading my column, but I regret hearing that you have lost your wife. You seem to be a very happy man. I believe that your children love you and they want the very best for you.

Perhaps your daughter does not want you to get married again because she feels that, at your age, it is likely that a woman may not treat you well, and would take advantage of you. She got you a woman that she believes will treat you as a king, and, from what you have said, she is doing just that.

The question is: is this the way both of you are going to live for the rest of your lives? Would this lady be satisfied to have you as her man friend for the next 10 years, and would she not prefer to have you as her husband and you have her as your wife?

You have expressed your desire to go to church etc, so I would suggest that when it is convenient, you discuss your future with your children and tell them exactly what you want to do. I repeat, they want the best for you, but you have to show them that you need companionship and care and that the older you get the more you see the need to have a wife.

Please do not do anything before reasoning with them.

Although you might be enjoying the company of this woman, she might not be the one to whom you should marry. She is much younger than you. She is not Jamaican and if you were to return to Jamaica, she might find it very difficult to adjust to the Jamaican lifestyle.

Please bear that in mind. On the other hand, if you were to remain in the country that you presently reside, she might be the ideal woman.

Pastor