Dear Pastor,

Some years ago, I had a relationship with a young lady while we were in college together. She had a boyfriend, but she had a high libido and every week when we had a chance we had sex. She told me she was on the pill. I told her I didn't want any children. She used to go down to the country sometimes. And every time she went down, she told me that she had sex with her boyfriend.

One day to my surprise, she told me that she missed her period, but I should not worry because she doesn't believe that I am the father. It was just coming down to summer time, so she went home and not many people knew that she was pregnant. When the baby was born, she called me and told me that she believes that I am the father but her boyfriend has owned the child so everything is all right. Everyone who knows the child and knows her boyfriend says that he is not the father of that child.

I am now 35 years old and I am married and my wife and I don't have children. I saw the little boy with his mother recently and he is really my child. She and her boyfriend broke up and she still loves me, and I would love to have my son with me. I don't know what to do.

My wife has gone to many doctors; I am fertile but can't get her pregnant. Should I tell my wife and claim my son? I need your professional advice.

P.T.

Dear P.T.,

If you were able to impregnate your wife, do you believe that you would feel the same way about this child you claim that you have fathered? Why would you now want to create problems for this woman? Why can't you leave this matter alone? What took place between both of you while you were in college is in the past and should remain there.

You should be concerned about the psychological damage this can do to a child. It is not good for a child to be told that such and such is his father and later on for him to be told that it was a mistake and he was given the wrong information.

If, indeed, your wife and yourself are unable to have children, you should consider seriously adopting one. Contact the Adoption Board about this matter.

Pastor