Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and I need your help. I have two children for a man, but he is not progressive. He gets up in the morning and goes to the garage and hangs around with the mechanics. He is not a mechanic, he does a little electrical work. I told him to try and get a security job, but he said he doesn't want to have to carry any gun. One security company told me that they can use him and they would not insist that he carries a gun. I can't get this man to move.

My mother is staying with us to help take care of the children. I have a job and I am going to a university and I can't wait to graduate and leave him. My mother doesn't like him at all, because she sees the way he operates. Every evening he will buy a can or two of corned beef or mackerel and some flour or rice and bring home for us to cook dinner.

My first child is not for him, but I met him while I was pregnant and he told me to register the child in his name. I was foolish to do so.

He can hardly help himself. He doesn't read well. I didn't even know that until I got pregnant with my second child. He has two sisters and one brother. The two sisters are teachers and the brother is a businessman. I asked them how they went to college and have education and he is so dunce. They told me he never liked books and he took after their father because he couldn't read either. It is not for the want of talking why he cannot read and write, because I have encouraged him to go to school in the evening, but he said he is ashamed.

When he told me that he doesn't want to work as a security guard because he doesn't want to carry a gun, I know that it was an excuse because he would have to write things down at work. When it comes to sex, he is good at that. That is what he learned to do from he was 15 years old. Not even my mother who is living in the house with us knows that he can't read.

O.R.

Dear O.R.,

May I suggest that you seriously consider teaching your man to read and write. Take that as your responsibility. Accept it as a challenge. He claims that he is ashamed to go to school to learn to read and write and improve himself. I do not believe that he would reject having you teach him in the privacy of your home. I do not know how old your children are, but many parents teach their children to read and they do not depend on their teachers at school. Some children learn to read very early. So, you can have your husband participate when you are instructing your children. And if he is humble he will learn easily.

If you are buying workbooks for your children, buy for him too. You claim that he loves sex, so you should tell him before such enjoyment he has to convince you that he has done his lessons. Reading and writing and everything else will come before sex if both of you are determined to have sex.

This man is deeply embarrassed, so until he has learned to read and write, don't encourage him to seek certain jobs. He is not going to make it and he knows that very well.

Concerning what he brings home to make dinner, accept it with a smile because at least he is trying. He does not want his family to go to bed without dinner.

Pastor