Dear Pastor,

I have a child with a man, but his relatives don't want him to support her. This man is 65 years old and he is living with his relatives. From the time I got pregnant, they have been telling him that he shouldn't have anything to do with me and he should not believe that he was the one who got me pregnant. After the child was born, he told me that he knows that the child is not a 'jacket'.

He was supporting the baby, but I met another man. And when I started talking to the other man, he found out and stopped giving me the amount of money he used to give me. I used to get $5,000 every week from him, but he only gave me $3,000 after he heard about the man. He said he didn't want my new boyfriend to eat out of his money. I told him that I didn't have a boyfriend; the guy was only a social friend.

But one night he came to my house and saw the man's car at my gate. He went away and about 11 p.m. he came back and the lights were off and the guy and I were in bed. He knocked on the front door, but I didn't answer. He left and called me on the phone and told me that our friendship was over and he now believes his relatives that the child is not his.

I have tried my best to talk to him but he would not listen. He called me a whore and a slut. I am 35 years old and I know my child's father would not marry me. He is divorced, but he told me that he will never get married again. The guy I am friendly with now is 30 years old. He doesn't have any children. He promised that he will marry me, but he is mean and he looks to me for money. I can't deal with that, but I am getting to love him.

A.L.

Dear A.L.,

You should not try to argue with your child's father. If you are sure that the child is his, you could challenge him to do a paternity test. In fact, it might be good for you to see that a paternity test is done, whether you are sure or have doubts.

Relatives should not discourage other relatives from supporting their children. Perhaps some of your relatives feel that this man was too old to impregnate you. If that is their reason, they are living in ignorance.

When this man asked you about your new boyfriend, you should have told him the truth. You got caught because you were trying to get money from your child's father while at the same time you were seeing this younger guy. You can bring this matter to an end by taking him to court for child support and by doing a DNA test.

Before I go, let me ask you these questions. don't you know that a mean man does not change easily? If this man is mean, how is he going to support his family? Are you so eager to get married that you are willing to take up a man who is looking to you for money? You are not thinking right.

Pastor