Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old female who is involved with a young man my age. He loves me a lot because he will do anything for me and he also makes a lot of sacrifices just to please me. I also try my best to please him. We have been together for nearly a year, but it seems like we are together for a longer time. I feel really connected to him in every way but I don't know if it was because I took his virginity.

For the past three months, it has been hard for us because of certain circumstances which have made it difficult for us to see and even call each other. Within the three-month period I have met a Christian guy who is one year older than I. Both of us attend the same university. We spend a lot of time together on campus socialising on various topics and getting to know each other better.

One day, he told me that he really likes me even though he knew that I had a boyfriend already. I was not shocked because I had the feeling that he likes me. I told him that I am not one of those girls who keep more than one guy at a time. He told me that he knew but he can't stop thinking about me. At times, he would counsel me if I have any problem and encourage me to give my life to God. I must confess that I am attracted to him as well.

I thought about becoming saved and I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it, but he doesn't seem to be that interested, even though he goes to church. I don't think he meditates on the messages from the Bible.

Pastor, please give me your opinion on this situation, because I don't know if being around the Christian guy longer is going to sabotage my relationship with my boyfriend and I love him dearly.

J.H.

Dear J.H.,

You are 20 years old, and therefore you are old enough to know that you are playing with fire. You already have a man in your life. According to you, both of you love each other, but because of circumstances you have not been able to see each other as often as before. And in that period, you have allowed yourself to become very close to another man. You know that what you are doing is wrong. You are spending too much time with this guy.

You did not have to get so close to him. Both of you are turning each other on, and if you don't stop seeing each other, you will find yourselves having sex. When you see danger, you don't go close to it, you run and keep yourself away from it. A driver doesn't drive his car close to the cliff to see how close he can get without going over. He keeps his car away from the cliff. Right now you are behaving as if you are testing the flesh to see how much you can be tempted to have sex without yielding.

Stop playing the fool. End the close relationship with this young man and stick with your boyfriend.

Pastor