Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old. My life has been very stressful. Sometimes I wonder if I have a purpose on this earth. I have been living with my dad since I was a child. My father has not counselled nor encouraged me. He thought sending me to school was all the responsibility he had as a father. We didn't have a father-to-daughter relationship.

I was mistreated by my stepmother. My father knew about it and he did nothing. When I graduated, my father found out I was involved with a guy in my community. The relationship was intimate. I was young and I wasn't ready for that. My dad wasn't pleased with it, so he took things in his hands. He beat me, took away my phone, the house key and threatened that he wasn't going to send me to school anymore. At that time, I wasn't attending evening classes.

angry and cursing

A few days after, I saw the guy and told him we couldn't be friends anymore. He asked me why and I told him what had happened. One day my father came home angry and cursing. He pleaded with me to get out of his house. At that time, I didn't know what was happening, but I knew something was wrong.

This guy messed up my life. For the last three years, my dad has not exchanged a word with me. I have prayed day and night, hoping God would answer my prayers and the relationship between my dad and me would change.

I have apologised and written to him. He has not accepted my apology. He has even said he hates me. We live in the same house but he hasn't exchanged a word to me. I always say morning and evening, and goodnight, etc. Nothing has changed.

Distressed Daughter

Dear Distressed Daughter,

Evidently, your ex-boyfriend said something to your father concerning you and it has upset him. He is blaming you for associating yourself with such a young man. Your father is a good man and you are aware of that. In his own way, he tried to raise you to be a decent young woman. Yes, he made mistakes. He did not spend time in counselling you but he gave you, shelter, food, a happy home and sent you to school. He has never had a course in parenting but he tried his best.

Unfortunately, when he realised you were sexually involved with this man, he beat you. He took the wrong approach. Something bad happened after you told your boyfriend about the type of punishment your father administered. The young man evidently wasn't pleased, and expressed it either to your father or to others who told your father.

I am glad you are still at home. Continue to pray and show great respect to your father. Also make sure you take good care of him. I believe your father will eventually forgive you and the relationship will improve.

Pastor