Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem and don't know how to solve it. I have a girlfriend but she is not my bonafide woman.

When I met her she was living with her boyfriend. I used to help her by giving her money because her boyfriend was not doing anything that would make him get a good salary.

I didn't give her big money. Sometimes it was a little $3,000 or $1,000 to help cook dinner for her children.

I have my bonafide girlfriend but this woman and I used to have sex. She offered it to me because I was helping her. She got pregnant and knew I was the one who got her pregnant, but her boyfriend accepted it and never questioned it, even now.

But this girl is still coming to me for help because she says that I have to mind my 'pickney.' The child looks just like me.

My bonafide girlfriend and I are planning to get married because she wants to get baptised. She wants me to get baptised too. I told her I am not ready. She asked me what was keeping me back but I can't tell her. What if I get baptised, pastor, and people find out that the child is really mine, how would I deal with that?

My girlfriend and I have a six-month-old daughter, but we have been together for three years. I can't tell her I have a child outside, so what should I do?

J.

Dear J.,

If this woman and you were determined to have sexual intercourse, and she had another boyfriend, why was the condom not used?

Both of you are careless and irresponsible, and you have caused yourself embarrassment.

Please do not misunderstand me. I am not saying that people should cheat and carry on. I am only saying that if adults are determined to have sex, they should protect themselves.

This woman has deceived the man with whom she is living. As people commonly say, she has given him a 'jacket'. I say that because you feel sure you are the father of the child.

Why is you haven't considered doing a DNA test to ascertain whether you are the father of this child?

Would the mother disagree if you were to request that a paternity test be done? Some women are very tricky. She might be encouraging you to support this child and you are not the biological father. This woman needs financial help, so she is liable to say anything.

If the child is yours, you should support him/her without worrying about what your girlfriend would say.

In fact, you should do your best to end the relationship with this woman who is claiming you are the father of her child.

I further suggest you behave as a real man by asking your girlfriend to accompany you for counselling as you prepared for marriage. If this child is yours, don't hide the truth from your girlfriend.

Pastor