Dear Pastor,

I am a 20-year-old female and I have two problems that I would like to share with you. My family is way too strict on me. My problem is really my mother. She is driving me crazy.

I am living with her and sister. My mother has a shop and I help her so she would be in a position to give me some money to go to classes on the weekend.

She dislikes giving people things. If she does, she doesn't do so willingly.

I have grown to hate my mother. I know she gave me life, but sometimes I wish she had aborted me. Sometimes when I am in bed I cry and hope I would just die in my sleep, or that a bus would just hit my mother down, or she would just die in a drive-by shooting.

Pastor, I hate this woman who I call my mother. She doesn't like to see me happy. When I was attending primary school and was on holiday, I asked her if I could go somewhere because the teacher always made us write a composition about our holidays. I didn't want to lie about my experience, and she hissed her teeth. One Teacher's Day at school, I wanted to buy my teacher something and I asked her to give me money for the gift, and she asked, "Yuh teacha gi mi money fi put down?"

I wasn't looking pretty

When I was graduating from high school, my mother didn't come to my graduation. She fixed herself well for the graduation. She did her hair and her nails. She even ironed her clothes the morning. She combed my hair in two, ironed my clothes and told me that she would be coming to the graduation late. I went to school and everyone was looking pretty. I felt bad because I wasn't looking pretty, so I started to cry.

When the graduation began, the photographer told me that my mother was not coming to the graduation again. I was so upset with her, but I kept my cool. The photographer only took one picture of me and it didn't even look good.

Dejected Daughter

Dear Dejected Daughter,

Clearly, your mother has not been a good role model. She is selfish and gives the impression that she does not care how you feel. She should have taken courses in parenting. On the other hand, she might be struggling with issues that she has never divulged to you.

selfish and mean

I have observed that you have not mentioned anything about your father. Perhaps the burden of supporting the family alone has affected your mother and she has not been able to deal with it very well.

You consider her selfish and mean. Perhaps you are correct, but that should not cause you to hate your mother and to wish her sudden death. You need to perish that thought. In fact, you ought to ask God to forgive you for wishing that bad things would befall your mother.

Be careful not to wish your mother evil because whatever you wish her might fall on you instead. If you feel depressed and believe life is meaningless, call a family counsellor and make an appointment to see him or her. Read your Bible every day, pray and attend church. Think good thoughts of your mother and pray for her. If you pray for her, your attitude towards her will change.

Pastor