Dear Pastor,

I am hoping that you will be able to assist me with some fatherly advice. I am 35 years old and I have been married for almost 10 years. My husband and I have two children together. My husband is older than I by nine years.

My problem is that for the last eight years of our marriage I have been having one problem after another with my husband, especially when it relates to drinking and squandering of our hard-earned money. He doesn't take care of the children he had before our marriage and he barely takes care of ours. However, I try to encourage him to do the right thing for all of them.

With all the years of waiting, crying, praying and fasting for him to make a change, I feel myself becoming weary of him. I no longer accept when he says he loves me and I am questioning whether or not I love him anymore. I still do all that a wife is supposed to do for a husband but I don't feel any joy in doing them. I have tried several things such as date nights or going away for a weekend so as to see if we could rekindle the fire, but all he was interested in was getting drunk on most occasions.

Whenever I ask him to talk to me, he says he doesn't know what to say, while he sits on the phone and speaks to his female 'friend' for almost an hour. He likes to go out and drink and hang out with his friends who have no obligations, while I stay at home and take care of the children. If I want to go out, I have to make my own arrangements. There are times when he stays out for 24 hours or more with no communication and no real explanation when he gets home.

I know I have put on some weight since having the children but I am working on it and I have changed my style so as to keep him attracted. I have asked him what I am doing wrong and he says everything is fine, he loves me and he doesn't mind my weight gain.

There are a lot more things I could write but, ultimately, at the end of it all, I am lonely and frustrated whether or not he is home. When he says "I love you," it means nothing to me.

Please advise me as soon as possible. I don't know what to do. I can't remember the last time I really felt happy in this marriage. I am looking forward to your reply.

Unhappy Wife

Dear Unhappy Wife,

Perhaps you should encourage your husband to seek the help of Alcoholics Anonymous or Rise Life Management Services. Use the toll free number for Rise Life Management Services and you will receive instructions. The number is 1-888-991-4146.

Many alcoholics will not admit that they have a drinking problem. Therefore, if your husband reacts by saying that he is not going anywhere for counselling because he doesn't have a problem, don't be surprised. Work with him all the way.

I know that you are ready to throw in the towel, so to speak, and the love that you have for him seems to be dying, but continue to try until you are fully convinced that he is not interested in the marriage. Divorce is last resort, so don't think about that now.

Pastor