Dear Pastor,

Keep up the good work that you are doing. I am writing to you with tears in my eyes. I met my husband in 1999. We got married in 2003. He had two children before we met. I told him that I needed a child because it is my dream to have a child and I love children. He said that he cannot manage another child, so I said that it was not fair. This man would give me the world, but that still cannot make me happy. I travel a lot and I love him to death. He said he loves me also.

After a year, I found him to be acting strangely. Our sex life is good. I asked him what was the problem and he said nothing. I later found out that he got another child outside of our marriage. I am so hurt and confused. He even wants me to meet the child. Pastor, I don't want to meet that child. His family and his two other children are asking me not to leave. I know his family loves me, but I am hurt and I will never trust him again. He is paying rent for the girl, and he said they are not together it is for the child's sake. I heard that the child is four years old and he still doesn't want to give me a child.

Pastor, I can't live like this. I don't see myself living without a child. I am 33 and he is 54. This man has betrayed me. He has hurt me so bad that at times I sit and cry about it.

Pastor, what do you think will happen if I go out there and get a child? I talked to him face to face and I also wrote to him, and all he could say was that the child was a mistake because the child's mother tricked him. Hell no, I don't want to hear that, pastor. I have headache every single day. Trust me, sometimes I don't eat for days.

I need a child. Please help me. Tell me what to do because I need your help.

T.C.

Dear T.C.,

When you met this man and both of you started dating and you told him that you were interested in having a child, he told you that he was not interested in fathering anymore children. At that time, you should have ended the relationship with him. You shouldn't have married him. Whether he was interested in having you as his wife, but not as the mother of a child or children, you should not have got married to him because you wanted to become a mother. And that desire has remained with you.

He is claiming that the child he fathered during the marriage was a mistake. Whether he is speaking the truth, you may never know, but what he has done shows that he is a selfish and an irresponsible man.

I cannot encourage you to cheat on him in your quest to become pregnant. I suggest that you ask him to go with you for counselling. This is a very difficult matter. If he insists that he doesn't want to try to impregnate you and you are determined to have a child, both of you are heading in different directions and the marriage will not last.

Pastor