This is the first time I am writing to you. I listen to you every night, but I am too shy to call. I am 17 and have a new boyfriend who is 18. We have never had sex. He told me he has to control himself because he does not want the boss to ask him to leave where he is living. He is working as a live-in gardener. The man who took him from the country and got him the job, told him he should not take any girl to the house where he works otherwise he will lose his job. He does not speak well but he is good-looking.

My mother is a helper and she works close to where he lives and works. Sometimes in the evenings I go to meet my mother. He told my mother he likes me and my mother told him that he cannot afford me. He said he would work hard and support me.

Pastor, I have another boyfriend who is 20. He promised that if I have sex with him he would buy me a laptop computer, so I am planning to have sex with him on my 18th birthday. What should I ask this other guy, who likes me, for?

H.T.

Dear H.T.,

First of all, at the age of 17, you should be totally focused on your education to ensure you will be in a position to assist yourself and mother in the near future. You should not sell your body for a laptop computer. Dismiss that thought, as well as any thought of having a man support you or of using your body for material gain. Use the computer at your school or community library until you or your mother can purchase one for your personal use.

This man has no good intention towards you and he may have sex with you and not buy you the laptop or even protect you, from pregnancy or other sexually transmitted diseases. Stay away from him. I strongly discourage you from asking the other young man for anything. Consider all male friends as social friends, and try not to get intimate with anyone at this stage of your life.

Pastor