Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old who will soon be 19 and I am having a problem. I have a boyfriend and he is 28. When I met him he told me he didn't have a girlfriend and I did not know about any other. He treated me well and he respected me. I lived with my parents and they love him and they always tell him he should take care of me and what they have is for me.

I went to spend some time with him on a weekend. He did not have any condom. He told me I shouldn't fret about that; he would see to it that nothing happened. When he was about to ejaculate, he tried to pull out but it was too late. I missed my period and the doctors confirmed that I was pregnant.

When I told my boyfriend about it, he told me to go and find the father because he is not responsible for getting me pregnant. I could not believe what he was telling me. Every time I tried to call him, he was not answering, so I took the bus and went to his home after school and found a girl with him. When he saw me, he asked me what I was doing there and I told him I came to see him and to talk about our problem. He said he didn't have any problem. I told him yes because we have a young one on the way.

The girl came out and started to accuse me of trying to take away her man. She said she is a nurse and my boyfriend doesn't want me. She said I was a little girl and I should stay in school and leave her man alone. I decided that I was not leaving and I started to cry and the neighbour told me I could stay with them. She said she doesn't want to get into young people's business, but my boyfriend has other girls coming to the house so she doesn't know who is the right girlfriend. I told her that I am pregnant and she said that I should try and get rid of it.

Pastor, I don't know what to do. This guy didn't even give me back my bus fare to return to school.

M.

Dear M.,

I am very sorry to hear what has happened to you. You are a young girl who did not find it difficult to believe a man. What has happened to you has happened to so many others, but that is no comfort to you and it might not help you as you face this big decision as to whether or not you should carry this pregnancy.

This young man knows that he is responsible for your pregnancy. He could have made it easier for you by admitting that both of you have had a relationship and that you have had unprotected sex.

He could have said that he was sorry and even encourage you to have the child and assure you that he would stand with you in supporting the child. Instead, he treated you with such contempt and shamed you before one of his women.

Your parents will be disappointed in you, but they would not abandon you. Kindly go and speak to the principal of your institution and let him/her know what has happened. Tell him/her that you are sorry for what has happened and I am sure you would be advised accordingly.

Do not embarrass yourself further with the child's father. But after you have given birth, take him to court. He has to be forced to support his child. He is a very wicked man. You will have an opportunity to go back to school.

I wish you well.

Pastor