I have been reading your columns since I was 14. I believe you have always given your best advice. I never thought the day would come when I would have to write to you. I recently turned 20. I feel so old.

The real issue is that most of my friends from school are either engaged or have children. I know I am still young but I can't help feeling jealous. I am single and, to be honest, I have never really had a serious relationship.

I was once in a relationship with an older man. I wasn't interested at first but he was the first guy who actually went the extra mile to get to know me. Most guys would go straight to the point, sex. He chased me for a year and didn't know me or anything. I decided to give him a chance. I was 18 at the time and I can tell you it was the biggest mistake in my life.

I was a virgin then and he made me feel so happy for the first time in my life. I actually believed he loved me but he didn't. He lied to me over and over. When we were out in public, people didn't believe I was actually with him. They would say to him "You are a lucky guy to have such a beautiful girlfriend," or say to me, "Oh my God, you must be blind." I was blind.

took my virginity

He was married but I didn't know because his wife travelled a lot, so it would always seem as if he was single. He also told me that he was single. I should have known it was too good to be true. We always text each other. One morning I got a call from a woman saying she saw the messages on his phone and she was his wife. I was so shocked. I just couldn't believe he could have lied to me like that.

Despite finding out he was married, I was still with him because I was so in love and he had taken my virginity, so I thought that was love. After a while, he was unable to see me as often as we used to because of his wife and work. When I did see him, it was all about sex. I later figured it out. I looked at myself in the mirror and asked myself "What am I doing?" I didn't deserve this and he was never going to leave his wife for me.

I failed my Mathematics CXC that year because, I was too busy with him. After all that, I said to myself it was over because he really didn't love me because if he did, he would encourage me to study, but instead he would say, "You are going to pass, so let us go out and have fun", and I would believe him.

One day he called me and I told him how I felt and he still couldn't convince me to stay with him. I ended the relationship with him and I have never spoken to him again.

Two months later, he text me and said "What ups, beautiful?" I never replied because I knew I might get back with him, and he is not in my best interest.

I have since been single and I am not really searching, but seeing the life all my friends are living, I feel jealous. The only thing I do now is study it has been two years since I dump that idiot. I am afraid of being hurt again and I am very picky.

I am attractive and smart. I am not a teen anymore and I am wondering if I will ever find the right guy. Pastor, do you think I will really find a guy who will love me? I am looking forward to your kind advice.

J.G.

Dear J.G.,

You are a good and intelligent girl. I want you to realise good girls very often are tricked by cunning men. Without a doubt, this man tricked you. He realised you were naive and inexperienced, so he worked himself into your life, gained your confidence and took advantage of your naivety.

He didn't have to lie to you. He could have told you he was married. Perhaps the people who commented when they saw both of you together thought you knew he was married. That is why they wondered what you were doing with him. You were rudely awakened when you heard from his wife. He is a wicked man. I hope you were able to convince his wife that you were not aware he is a married man.

Concerning your friends who have spouses and children, you need not worry about that. You are only 20 and, while you are single, you should use the time to get an education and a good job so that when you are married and begin to have children, you will be better able to support them well.

Whenever you meet a man and he shows interest in you, check him out well. Find out about his background and everything about him. Don't repeat the mistakes you have made.

Pastor