Dear Pastor,

I am 35 and married. My wife and I do not have any children. My wife is in the States. She went to do a bachelor's degree and she came back only once. We are both Christians.

Pastor, for the past two years I was faithful to her. I never looked at another woman. When she went back, I cheated on her with a married woman whose husband was away too, but we never did it again.

My wife is now telling me that I should try and get a visa to come to America because her mind is changed from coming back to Jamaica to live. I have tried to be a good Christian but sometimes I fail because I want sex and I am tired of masturbating. I feel so ashamed of what happened to me one night.

I am a businessman and one day a lady had an appointment with me and came to my office to do business. I attended to her and she left. One Friday night at about 10 o clock I was lonely and horny, so I decided to buy some flesh. I saw a nice looking girl standing alone and I knew she was a lady of the night. So I stopped and invited her in my car. I was shocked to discover that she was the same woman who came to my office to do business.

When I recognised her, I told her I made a mistake. She said that I did not make a mistake and I should not lie. She said she was on the road because she had financial needs and I was on the road because I had a sexual need. We spent two hours together and I gave her $7,000. I have become her customer, but this is not the way I want to live.

I told my wife that we should get a divorce, but she doesn't agree and my church doesn't believe in divorce, so I am asking you for your advice. I am not interested in living in America. My parents are in Jamaica and I am their only child and I want to stay close to them.

K.

Dear K.,

You are in big trouble and you are aware of it. If your wife has decided not to return to Jamaica and you are not interested in living in America, the marriage is pretty well over. It would take divine intervention to save this relationship.

To be frank with you, you should not allow yourself to be left hanging. Five years for a man to be separated from his wife is a long time. Your wife is really not interested in the relationship. She said she doesn't want both of you to get a divorce but at the same time she has made up her mind not to come back to Jamaica to live. You know that you have tried to be faithful, but you have failed. You have tried to masturbate to meet your sexual needs, but that has not worked all the time.

I can't imagine how embarrassed you felt when you sought pleasure on the road, and the woman you picked up recognised you. She will never forget you. That incident should have caused you to come to realise that a decision must be made whether you would divorce your wife and marry again or that she would come home to you the day after she has taken her last exam. She does not have to stay for graduation. The church may teach that it is wrong to divorce, but the church doesn't know what you are experiencing. So if your wife is not coming back to be with you, and you are not planning to live in America with her, get a divorce.

Pastor