Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and pregnant. My boyfriend is 30 and not working. He lost his job the very month I found out I was pregnant. I came to Kingston to attend school and met him. He has two other babymothers. Both of them are working. Where I was living, I had to leave, so he took me to live at his parents' house. I am not happy here, but I can't go back to my parents. They would not accept me. My mother told me to stay where I am.

My babyfather told me that after I have the baby he would help me get a job and help me pay rent. Everything I do in the house bothers his mother. If I move anything in the house, she quarrels and say I should put it back. Nobody can visit me.

My brother came to visit me. When he knocked on the gate, she went out and questioned him. When my boyfriend came, she told him a man came to see me and said he was my brother, so he should check it out.

The room I am staying in is next to her room. One night my boyfriend and I were having sex and she was listening. She knocked on the door and told us she did not want us to mash down her bed, we should go to a hotel and carry on. I was so embarrassed.

Pastor, I have a visa for America and I am planning, when I have the baby, to leave it with my boyfriend, go away, and don't come back. I made the greatest mistake in my life by getting pregnant. Do you think is a good idea? I am crying inside.

R.W., St. Andrew

Dear R.W.,

I regret hearing you are pregnant. At the same time, I am glad you did not terminate the pregnancy. When you and this man decided to have sex, you should have both used protection.

I am sure you understand what your parents in rural Jamaica are saying. They feel embarrassed. They have been making the sacrifice to send you to school, and you have let them down. Instead of giving your lessons the best shot, you got involved with a man. I hope you understand how disappointed they feel, and that it will take them some time to get over their shock and disappointment.

Concerning this man who got you pregnant, I could see why he took you to stay at his mother's house. He has lost his job and cannot afford to rent somewhere for you to live. Evidently, his mother is not pleased having you at her house. Frankly, she doesn't want you there. She doesn't want you to move or change anything in her house. That shows you are not welcome there. She is only tolerating you until her son is in a position to move you from there.

His mother also feels her son and you do not have any respect for her. When she is sleeping, her son and you are rocking and it is affecting her. That is why she knocked on the door and warned both of you not to break up her bed.

By the way, why are both of you sleeping on the woman's bed? Doesn't this man have his own bed? Whether or not he has his own bed, mother is telling both of you that you should control yourself in her house or leave. I am sure you understand what she was saying.

Perhaps you all were making excessive noise and the whole house was vibrating, so his mother thought she better knock to warn you all to control yourself.

Concerning your plans to leave the baby with this man and go abroad, I would not encourage you to do so. Things are looking dark for you right now but, after you have had the baby, go to your parents and tell them you are sorry for what happened. Let them know you would like to go back to school. Therefore, you are asking them to give you another chance to go back to school.

Do not allow this man to encourage you to live in concubinage. You made a mistake but your life should not come to an end. You are young and can bounce back, so to speak.

Perhaps one of your relatives will keep the child as you go back to school. Remember this man has two other children with two different mothers, so don't put your heart on him. In any case, you need an education and should not rush into marriage.

Pastor