Dear Pastor,

My husband and I are both 30. I migrated abroad in 1997 after I finished high school. I return home every year to visit my relatives and to keep up with my culture. In 2003 when I came home, my friend introduced me to a guy from school whom I remembered well. When we started courting, he was very nice and he told me how much he loved me and treated me very well. When I went back to the States, we kept in touch. The following year when I visited Jamaica, it was mainly to see him.

Since we met, he had always wanted to marry me and referred to me as his wife.

He even saw me as the woman who would give him children. We always reminisced on school days. He knew the type of woman I was. I am a Christian who is very caring, polite, well educated, and I came from a very good family. He kept asking when I am going to marry him as he wanted to have children with me. I told him I was not ready as yet because I wanted to finish my degree at university and buy a house first. He accepted that, and I continue to visit him. I also supported him emotionally and financially. I have really spent a lot on him as things were not going well for him in Jamaica, but I did not mind because we were both in love.

I am a Christian, but he got baptised and had stopped going to church. Even though he made a lot of promises that he would go back to church. In 2008, we became engaged and got married in Jamaica in 2009. Most of my family and friends came to the wedding from abroad. I spent six weeks with him after the wedding for our honeymoon. Whenever his phone rang, he would ask me to answer.

I became suspicious of a girl who was always ringing his phone. Whenever I answered, she would hang up. One night I dreamt that she was pregnant for my husband. I told my husband about the dream and he laughed and said people were telling me things to break us up and he was not involved with anyone. I don't know anyone in Jamaica to tell me things because we are not from the same parish. I decided to leave things in God's hand.

Got a girl pregnant

After I left Jamaica, within a week he admitted to me that it was true what I saw in my dream. He got the same girl pregnant and this girl was 17. That was exactly how I described her in my dream. I was so shocked, betrayed and embarrassed that my husband could do this to me and had not even told me before the wedding, even though we went to pre-marital counselling. I felt used and hurt as I thought I would be the one to carry the first born for my husband.

My husband was granted a visa to join me abroad. When he arrived, we spoke about the situation that had happened. I even gave him money to send to support his child when he was not working. I also told him that I am finding it difficult to trust him again and for him to gain my trust, we should go for more counselling.

My pastor wanted us to come for counselling but my husband refused to go, and each day the situation became worse because his babymother kept calling my house number, even though I told him never to give our house number out as this is personal to us and he should only allow her to call his mobile about things pertaining to the child.

This girl was rude to me on the phone and told me what I should do to my mother. My husband then told me that he doesn't know why the girl will not speak to me and they had nothing to hide. I believe my husband again.

I continue to be committed to my husband by treating him the way a wife should. We had a very good sex life and I became pregnant. We were very excited and even though we continued to have a lot of other issues, including my husband's lifestyle. He would not spend much time with me, but constantly going out with his friends and not returning home until the next morning. I saw a lot of text messages on his phone to another married woman saying how much he wanted to have sex with her and other sexual message to women. When I asked him about it, he would deny it and say they are just friends.

physically abused

Pastor, I will never forget our first anniversary. We had one of the most fantastic sexual intercourse and after we were finished, I told him I was going to bed. He said he wasn't ready and he wanted to watch television. I went to bed and after he thought that I was asleep, he went on the phone. I overheard him telling the person how he missed her and wanted to have sex with her. I did not ask him about it because I was tired of his lies and betrayal, so I began to live in a dishonest relationship, being emotionally and physically abused by my husband and heavily pregnant.

We had a baby boy in summer 2010 and few months later I found out with evidence that while I was pregnant, he cheated on me and now the girl was also pregnant for him. I asked him about it and he admitted that he cheated but he denied the child. I did not make a fuss about the situation. I just told him to pack his bags and leave.

I now find myself crying every day. I am 100 per cent sure that he was not lacking of sex because I never denied my husband of sex, pregnant or not. I delivered well to him.

It has been months since he left my house and he is begging like a dog for me to forgive him. Pastor, I feel I have made the correct decision. However, I will welcome and appreciate any other advice you have for me.

E.D.

Dear E.D.,

I will be praying for you. You have done your very best to help your husband. He has behaved like a fool. You took too long to kick him out of your house. Pray and ask God to give you the strength to be a good mother. Don't take this man back into your house. He is a dangerous liar. You will never be happy with him.

Pastor