Dear Pastor,

I am a retired sex worker and I am now in a steady relationship and about to get married. My fiancé said I should be truthful and tell him about my past. Should I tell him about my past or should I keep that to myself?

I need your advice.

G.S.

Dear G.S.,

If you were to tell your boyfriend everything about your past, what would you tell him? Does that mean that you would tell him that you used to sell sex? Do you think you should tell him that? He does not know you as a sex worker. He does not expect you to be a virgin. So if he has never heard that you were a sex worker (prostitute), why should you not keep your mouth shut?

They can't deal with it

Now, let me hasten to say that not all counsellors would agree with me. Some would say that a woman should tell a man everything about her past. But, as a counsellor of many years experience, I can tell you that when women tell men about what they did in the past before they became Christians, these men end the relationship with them right away. They can't deal with it. If they are told, whenever there is a disagreement between the women and themselves, they try to embarrass them by reminding them what they used to do.

So, my answer to you is not yes or no. If you believe that this man is mature enough, and wouldn't care whether you were a sex worker or a thief, you may tell him. If you were to wait until you are married and then tell him, he may say that you have deceived him. If you keep your mouth shut and someone should tell him, and he asks you, you may simple say that you do not discuss your past life and he should accept you as you are, because whatever you did in the past is behind you, and you are a changed person. What is important is that both of you love each other and he should be committed to you and you to him.

I wish you well.

Pastor