Dear Pastor,

I have been married for the past five years. Everything was going well before I got married. However, since I got married and had my first child, I have put on weight. My husband does not even want to make love to me. He calls me fat and ugly. His friends used to come and play dominoes sometimes on weekends and I would cook for them. Now he goes to where they are. When I asked him why, he said I am too fat and he noticed how his friends are looking at me.

He is a hard worker and a good provider. Every time he complains about my weight, he gets me upset. I try to eat right and exercise, but I am not getting the weight off. I don't believe my husband is cheating, but I am not very happy. Even when we have sex, he would comment that it was nicer when I was slim. I am asking for your advice, please.

W.B.

Dear W.B.,

Join a gym and ask your husband to give you the money to pay the gym fee. He shouldn't object to your going to a gym. At the gym, get a personal instructor and let him or her determine how much weight you should loose. Change your eating habits. Stick to your programme and you will surely take off and learn how to maintain your correct weight.

Don't fight your husband and don't follow women who say they don't care how heavy they have become. You have to care. Do so as early as possible. In three months' time, write and tell me about the progress you have made.

Pastor