Dear Pastor,

It has been six years since my husband and I are together. To tell you the truth, I do not trust him anymore. He is a salesman. He sells insurance and he is never home. He is always going to see clients, even at nights. Whenever I suggest I could go with him, he tells me no, he prefers to go alone.

One night I decided I had enough, so I trailed him. I drove out after him but I could not keep up with him because I did not want to drive too close to his vehicle. I came back home and started packing. When he came home, he asked me why I packed. I told him I was leaving. He did not even ask me to stay. He went straight to bed and I lay in the couch but did not sleep.

In the morning, he got up, dressed and left for work. I emailed him during the day and he sent me roses. When he came home, he said nothing to me. When he saw me unpacking, he helped me to unpack. He gave me the best sex we have ever had in six years.

I love my husband. I asked him to promise me that he would change. He told me that meant he would have to change his job. He is convinced what I want to occupy my time is a child. Pastor, I do not want more children. I have two. They are grown and living abroad. What I want is my husband.

A.M.

Dear A.M.,

Your husband could be speaking the truth. I understand that underwriters and financial advisors etc. are very busy people. The work is demanding. Often, underwriters have to see clients late in the evening. I knew of a lady who, many years ago, was a very successful underwriter. People wondered how she could have been so successful and was married and had children. She admitted that her husband gave her the support she needed and sometimes accompanied her to see clients. While she was meeting with clients, he would remain in the car and take care of the children. He did not accuse her of any thing or hinder her from doing her work. He gave her the moral support she needed.

I cannot defend your husband. I do not know if he is having an extra-marital affair, but I know he has a very stressful job. Contrary to what some people say about insurance agents, they are not all promiscuous. Some are very good family persons. I am sure if your husband does not have a girlfriend, he has not held a balance between work and family life. Therefore, I suggest you both make an appointment to see a family counsellor who could make suggestions that would strengthen your relationship.

Pastor