Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am 21 years old and my boyfriend of two years is 30 years old. He is an Englishman and I met him while I was with my parents on vacation in England. Since I met him, he said his life has changed. He used to drink and smoke. Now, he has stopped drinking and wants to stop smoking. I told him that I do not like men who drink and smoke.

When I met him I was not sure that he was serious about me. When I had sex with him for the first time, I did so because I wanted to know how it felt to have sex with a white man. It turned out that he was the one who was more excited. He loves me and wants to marry me. I still have a boyfriend in Jamaica and recently he found out that I am communicating with this man in England.

I am confused because I know that I will get much more from the relationship with the Englishman, but I can't stop loving my boyfriend who is in Jamaica. Perhaps it is because he is here and the other man is in England. The only difference between the man in England and my boyfriend in Jamaica is that the Englishman loves to do oral sex and my boyfriend doesn't do it. It is the man in England who introduced it to me and I got to love it.

My boyfriend told me that he will do oral sex with me after we are married. He wants us to do something different after our marriage, so we can look forward to that. I feel secure when I am with my Jamaican boyfriend. When I am with the white man, I question whether he loves me.

I started to work recently and my Jamaican boyfriend is buying me a car. I have never taken anything from the Englishman. So, it is not his money I want why we are friends. The Englishman is planning to visit Jamaica and to marry me.

Since my boyfriend found out about him, I have had to be lying to him. He asked me if I had sex with the white man and I told him no.

I am confused. Please help me to make a decision.

T.F.

Dear T.F.,

The reason that you have given for having sex with a white man is poor. But, now that you have had sex with him, I am sure that you have come to realise that his performance is not better than your boyfriend. You didn't have to go that way, but you wanted the experience, so it happened.

You need to tell this English- man that you have a boyfriend in Jamaica. Although he might be in a position to assist you, the love for your boyfriend is much stronger than the love you have for him. Therefore, you would have to end the relationship with him. Tell him that you are happier with your Jamaican boyfriend and that you are asking him to forgive you for giving him the impression that both of you had a future together.

Pastor