Dear Pastor,

I am 22 and a student attending university. My father is well known. You can call him a prominent person in society. I did not grow up with my father from birth. My father did not accept me as his child. I am an outside child and it was only when I was nine he admitted that I was his child and wanted me to come and live with him. My mother agreed. My mother has six other children. My stepmother doesn't have any children for my father, so I am the only child for them.

My stepmother and father treat me very well. Some people even say I resemble my stepmother. She likes when people sa we resemble and that we look like sisters.

unable to get pregnant

My father told me the reason it took so long for me to live with him was because when my stepmother heard about me, she threatened to leave him and kept cursing him. He told her the reason he was unfaithful was because he wanted a child and she was unable to get pregnant. They have tried many times to have a child together, so finally she gave up and told my father he should approach my mother and ask for me. He said he used to secretively give my mother money to support me, but nobody knew. My mother never admitted it. My mother said that he is speaking the truth, but he did not support me at all when I was a baby because he was afraid of his wife, and he wasn't sure I was his child.

The problem I am having is I have a boyfriend, but I don't know how to tell my father about him. My father knows him but he does not know that he is my boyfriend. I am afraid to tell him because he is not educated. He is ambitious. Sometimes when we are alone at the house we have sex, but my parents still believe I am a virgin.

I know my parents would not accept him as my boyfriend. My stepmother likes to describe people as low class, and my boyfriend would be considered a low-class person.

Please tell me what to do.

T.E., St. Andrew

Dear T.E.,

I am glad you are living with your biological father and stepmother. It took some time before your father accepted paternity, but he eventually did. I understand the circumstances which caused his delay in admitting he had fathered a child while he was married. I am not saying he was right in not accepting paternity as soon as you were born, but I understand fear prevented him from doing so. You are fortunate to have a stepmother who treats you well and is proud of you.

Concerning your boyfriend and yourself, you are taking the type of chances that may cause your parents to ask you to leave. I am not saying you should not have a boyfriend. However, it is not wise to be involved with somebody you can't introduce to your parents. This man is not educated and you know your parents would not be happy or proud of a son-in-law who is not educated or not trying to get an education.

Perhaps you may say that no one can choose for you and that both of you are in love but, please, understand that love is not the only criteria for a healthy relationship. You should be very careful not to destroy the wonderful relationship you are having with your parents.

This young man may be happy to have you, because your father and stepmother are middle class. Unless he gets a good education, your standard of living could drop. So, as much as you love him, I suggest you end the relationship with him.

Pastor