Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and have been married for two years. My husband is 24. We do not have children. My husband is anxious to have a child, but I know that it will come. I wanted to finish my degree before getting pregnant. Now, I am finished and my mind is relaxed. I am writing to you to find out if something is wrong with me.

When I talk to my girlfriends about sex, they tell me how much they enjoy sex when they are having an orgasm. I have never experienced what they have experienced. One of my friends, who is also married, said sometimes during an orgasm she sinks her fingers in her husband's back.

Another friend told me that she and her husband have to turn up the television when they are having sex because she talks out loud and she doesn't want the children to hear what she is saying.

My husband and I have read books about lovemaking and he has tried to help me to reach orgasm, but it has not happened.

Please for your suggestions.

S.M.,

Dear S.M.,

Only about one per cent of women are non-orgasmic. Most women can reach orgasm. And if your husband and yourself have tried just about everything and you are still not reaching orgasm, both of you should see a sex therapist.

An orgasm is an intense feeling of physical pleasure that we human beings experience as the culmination of sexual stimulation. When you experience an orgasm, your breathing becomes fast and heavy, your pulse races, the deep muscles in the genital area contract, and your toes may even curl up. In men, orgasm is almost always accompanied by ejaculation, the forceful ejection of semen from the penis, necessary for procreation. Women also feel orgasms, although their orgasms are not needed for procreation. Women can experience multiple orgasms.

Lovemaking is an art, and unless you are in the one percent of the women who are non-orgasmic, you should experience it. I am sure that when you have your first experience you will understand what your girlfriends were saying to you, and you would wonder why it took so long for you to experience it.

A sex therapist will be able to tell you why you have not been able to experience an orgasm. Please make an appointment for your husband and yourself to see him/her.

Pastor