Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you, but I always read your column. Keep up the good work that you are doing and may God bless you for as long as you live. I am 21 years old and I am confused. My children's father and I have been talking from I was 16 years old. We have two children together and I love him very much. He is my first boyfriend and I have never been with anyone else since I met him. I try my best not to do anything to break up our relationship, because I love him very much. Since lately, we are having problems.

About a year ago, he told me that he had a friend who called him one day while he was working and asked him if she could come and look for him because she and her babyfather were having problems, and he told her 'yes'. When she got there, he went to the fridge to get some juice, and when he got back to the room, she put the television on and was looking at a blue movie. She was also trying to have sex with him. He said that he was going to do it, but he stopped and told her 'no'. Now, I don't feel comfortable when I hear a woman calling him. I talked to him about it and he said that he will tell them to stop calling him, but it only lasts for a while before they start calling him again.

Since this month, he told me that he will not disrespect his friends by telling them to stop calling him and he will not stop talking to them. He just doesn't know how much I love him. I do not have any man calling my phone unless it is a family member, because I know that these things break up relationships.

I feel like giving up on this relationship, because I am tired of arguing about the same thing over and over. I just need some advice because this is my first relationship. Tell me if I am foolish about this matter or if I am right to feel uncomfortable about it.

S.R., Portland

Dear S.R.,

What your boyfriend told you is nonsense. According to him, he went to the refrigerator to get some juice and when he came back his female visitor was watching a blue movie and she tried to have sex with him. I don't believe that's how it went. If her boyfriend and herself were having problems and she was visiting him, why was she in his room? He told you that he didn't have sex with her, but you don't have any proof that he is speaking the truth.

I don't believe that this guy respects you. He seems to be playing around. He doesn't keep his word. The relationship is not going well because he believes that as a man he can do anything that pleases him. I can understand why you are worried. You can encourage him for both of you to go to see a family counsellor, but I would be surprised if he agrees.

Pastor