Dear Pastor,

I am a 22-year-old university student. I came to university with my virginity intact. After being here for a few months, I am no longer a virgin and I have had sex with three different guys, none of them I can call my boyfriend. I have a boyfriend. He is five years older than I am. We were both Christians. We kissed but never had sex. I can no longer consider myself a Christian. Whenever he calls me, I don't know what to talk to him about because I feel so guilty. I told him he should forget me because I have changed, but I didn't tell how I have.

My roommate got me into drinking and having sex with guys. One weekend my roommate had sex with two different guys. We talked about it. Sometimes she goes to the guys room and have sex with them. I love her because she is good to me. I suffer from premenstrual pain and she helps me during my time of the month. Sometimes I think she has made me a very bad girl.

My boyfriend still thinks I am a virgin. Should I still tell him I am not and he should take his mind off me?

S.,

Dear S.,

Some young women go through university and have kept themselves pure. Others have not. In fact, it can be said that some 'bruk out', Some have not been able to resist the charms of young men. As you said, you have changed from a good girl to a bad girl, so to speak.

You are blaming your girlfriend but you shouldn't because you are old enough to make your own decisions. The influence of your girlfriend hasn't been good, but you could have said no to her lifestyle, even if she tried to push guys on you.

Perhaps in the next school year, you should make different arrangements so you will not live in the room or hall with your friend.

Concerning your Christian boyfriend, who still believes you are a virgin, you should tell him you are not a virgin anymore. You don't have to tell him you had sex with three different men. Because he knew you were a virgin, you should tell him that you have had sex so you are no longer a virgin. Perhaps he might want to continue the relationship. On the other hand, he may not want to trust you anymore.

If the love you have for him is not strong as before and you prefer it to end, then do not tell him you have given up your virginity because he might repeat to someone what you have said and embarrass you.

Pastor