From the time I slept with this man I knew he had a problem. From the first night when I tried to hug him he turned his back on me. I could not believe it. I thought he was tired, so I tried again early in the morning, and he still did not show any interest. I questioned him and he told me that he is suffering from diabetes and it is affecting his sex life. I tried to work on him and his doctor helped him and sometimes we were able to have sex but that was not often.

Pastor, I got a job and one of the supervisors and I became friends, and I had sex with him and from that day I don't harass the man I'm living with for sex. One day he said to me how is it that I no longer ask him for sex, and I told him I am learning to do without it and he said it looks funny.

Right now I don't know what to do because I told the guy at my workplace about the problem at home, and he is encouraging me to leave this man. I don't want to leave him because he gives me everything I want and I am in a comfortable house. He is sending my child to school and he has promised to buy me a car. I am banking my salary every two weeks. I don't have to spend it on anything in the house.

I know that the man I'm cheating with loves me, and he satisfies my sexual needs and he is well- gifted, but he doesn't earn enough money.

Sometimes to make my man feel that I need him I allow him to do oral sex with me. He likes doing that. I wish I could have a child by him. He doesn't have any children. Please give me your advice.

D. N.

Dear DN

It is not necessary for me to comment on what has transpired between the man and his ex-wife. Perhaps what you are experiencing is the same problem his ex-wife was going through. You became involved with him and he has been treating you very well. He has taken your child as his own and is paying her school fees. How fortunate you are!

You shouldn't cheat on this man. Despite his shortcomings, you should work with him. You should not have got intimate with the man at your workplace. This man took you in as his wife. The only thing he has not done is to take you to a marriage officer. You have everything for your comfort. You should not allow your desire for rigorous sex with another man to come between the man with whom you are living and you.

You have stated that your co-worker is not financially able to help you. Why would you risk destroying the relationship with your man with a guy who has very little to offer? I suggest that you end the relationship with him immediately. If you don't, your man will eventually find out sooner or later.

I hope you will take my suggestions!

Pastor