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Greetings in Jesus' name. I should have written to you before but I kept putting it off. I am writing from St Vincent and the Grenadines. I have a marital problem and I do not know what to do. I am 60 and my husband of two years is 52. We are both Jamaicans. I love my husband and I thought he loved me. I am seeing signs that this is not so.
I researched his behaviour and have come to the conclusion that he is bipolar. He shows all the symptoms, such as infidelity and recklessness. I went to our doctor on his behalf. She prescribed medication and a visit to the psychiatrist but he did not keep the appointment.
When we got married, we had a debt of EC$10,000. We are now in debt of more than EC$100,000. I am the only one employed and this won't be for long.
There is a property valued at US$265,000. He wants me to sell the property in order for us to return to Jamaica. It is my greatest wish to return home. He is secretive, so I searched his things and found evidence of his infidelity. I feel bad about searching. When he found out, he threatened me with setting traps so that things would blow up in my face.
We invested in a restaurant so he could be employed but that failed. He employed too many staff and was hardly there to supervise. When he was there, he was drinking and socialising. He accused me of ruining the business. He disrespected me in front of the staff and customers by beating me with a cutlass because there was a girl sleeping at the restaurant. He abused me almost every month from the onset. He was arrested in September and spent a night in jail. The following day I told the judge we would go to our pastor for counselling, but that did not happen. He still abuses me but not physically.
He was issued with a Vincentian passport last month and he went to Jamaica for a whole month, knowing we could not afford it because we are in debt.
Pastor, is it the bipolar or is it that he just hates me why he is like this? I don't want to end the marriage but his behaviour is killing me. I told him I am going to have an AIDS test.
I only have God and him in my life and he knows it. I pray constantly. I need your help. What should I do?
B.B., St. Vincent and the Grenadines
Dear B.B.,
You cannot be sure your husband is bipolar. What you need to do is to insist he keeps his appointment to meet with the psychiatrist. Something is indeed wrong with him. Without a doubt, he needs help. His behaviour is wacky.
No man in his right mind would treat his wife with such disdain, including beating her in public with a cutlass. That is indeed disgraceful. I can tell you if you are not careful, and if he doesn't get help, he will put you in your grave.
Do everything to get out of debt. Make sure you take control of everything. He is out of control. If you don't watch over everything and bring your debt under control, you will get deeper into debt, and you will loose everything and end up living in poverty.
Pastor
