Dear Pastor,

I will be 18 in a few weeks and I need your fatherly advice. I have a terrible past and I have regretted it every day of my life. I have had more than 20 boyfriends but I have never slept with any of them. I am trying to change to be a better person. I am now a Christian and I am doing my work at school. I am an 'A' student. I really want to be successful in life and make everyone proud.

It hurts me so much at times to hear people talking about my past and saying negative things, but I just try to be strong. It has been months now since i have not had a boyfriend. I was trying to free myself to be a better person. Only a few of my ex-boyfriends have good things to say about me. For the rest, they would say I am a liar, cheater and self-centred person. I really want to change from this lifestyle.

To be honest, I don't know if I am a virgin or not. I always tell people who ask me that I am a virgin. I used to play around with my brothers and neighbours when I was much younger. I don't remember if any of my two neighbours had sex with me. I can remember that my friend's husband held me down one day and tried to put his penis in my vagina but I screamed and he took it out. I didn't talk about it. I kept it a secret.

The last time something like that happened to me was months ago when my best friend who is living abroad tried to have sex with me. When he was inserting his penis I shoved him away because it was painful and he told me it was too tight.

I wish I could take back those moments and start over again. I hope I am a virgin so my husband in the future would be the first person to take my virginity. How can I know if I am a virgin?

Please, help me.

C.G., St. James

Dear C.G.,

I understand you to mean you were a very popular young woman and made some mistakes you now regret. Because of your past conduct, many people considered you promiscuous. Many people often accuse girls who are popular with boys as being promiscuous. They feel these girls are having sex. that is not always true. You have suffered as a result of being too friendly with many men.

You have done very well in school and I congratulate you. I encourage you to remain focused. Whether you are a virgin is neither here or there. Your past is your past. You have to learn to put your past behind you and move on. Do not allow men to toy with your body. Twice you have consciously allowed men to try to have sexual intercourse with you, but the act ended prematurely.

If you want to know whether your hymen is intact, you should check with a doctor. I wish you the very best. Don't condemn yourself for the mistakes you have made, but try not to repeat them. I hope to hear from you again.

Pastor