Dear Pastor,

I have a serious problem. I am a very miserable and moody young woman. I think I am going to end up being alone, plus that is what I have been told also. Since last year, I met this young man and we were going on well. The problem is that he is very jealous and hates me being around other men or even around females.

During our relationship, we never have sex because I am a virgin and I believe that sex is wrong out of marriage. He then asked me to have oral sex with him and I hesitated and then said yes because it has always been my fantasy. Even though when he asked me, I thought he was joking, but we did and I had my first orgasm. He later asked me to return the favour and I refused, but he convinced me and I felt so bad with him forcing my head a bit, so I did it for a few second with tears in my eyes.

The next time he asked me to do it, I refused and told him I hated it and I did it the first time just to prove I love him and I didn't take him for a fool. When I refused the next time, he boxed me in my face and then told me it was a mistake to box me and begged me not to leave him. I forgave him and we moved on. I don't want to lie. He told me the other day after we kissed that my mouth was stink. It was the first time someone told me that my mouth was stink. I felt really bad but I forgave him.

I invited him over to my house and while I was sleeping, he searched my phone, jar, and room and tore up my ex-boyfriend's pictures that I had. I always said from I was younger that I would want a guy who loves me more than I love him so I could never get a broken heart, but now I do get the opportunity, I am thinking differently and begging God to take him away.

I tried to be best friends with him and told him a secret and when we had an argument, he told my mother about it in front of my face. It hurt me deeply. I was in shock for a while. He let me hate myself at times. I left him instantly after he threatened my life. However, my friend at his school told me he keeps crying and attending school infrequently and therefore I felt sorry for him and talked back to him. Sometimes I hate him and when he calls me, I do not answer my phone.

I am now talking to a guy but he doesn't give me much attention because he is too busy with work. This makes me feel very left out and unhappy and when I get upset at him, I still have to be the one to call him and beg him and he answers whenever he feels.

Pastor, should I just forget about both men or which of them should I give a chance? I am confused right now. I am 20 years old and the first guy is 19 and the second one is 32.

Confused and Troubled, St Catherine

Dear Troubled,

You were proud of your virginity and perhaps you are still proud of the fact that your hymen hasn't been broken. You are under the delusion that if a girl retains her virginity, she is a good girl and she can brag and say that she didn't lose her virginity until after she was married.

No congratulations to you from me because you are having oral sex, so you are not better than the girl who has sexual intercourse and lost her virginity. I am not condemning you for what you did. I don't have the right to do that. I am just trying to point out to you that if you took the decision not to have sex, you should maintain the position and not engage in any form of sex at all.

Concerning this young man, he is very out of order. He had no right to destroy your property. He is immature and foolish. And he also believes that a man has the right to hit his girlfriend. If you renew the friendship with him, he is likely to hit you again.

Concerning the 32-year-old man, he is taking the relationship slowly. Frankly, you became involved with him too fast. You might be better off right now giving both relationships a break. Girls who feel that they must always have men in their lives often get hurt.

Pastor