Dear Pastor,

I am 24 years old and I have two children. The first child is for a man I met when I just came to Kingston and was living with my cousin. Her boyfriend tried to have sex with me and when I told her, she said she didn't believe me. Her boyfriend told her that I was the one who was trying to get him to have sex with me. My cousin asked me to leave. I didn't want to go back to the country because nothing was there for me to do, so I went to stay with a man and he got me pregnant.

This guy didn't treat me well, so I left him. My grandmother took the baby and I came back to Kingston. I got a job and I fell in love with a married man. He pays my rent and helps me in every way. I always tell him that I love him, but he does not tell me that he loves me. He said if he didn't love me, he wouldn't help me.

He comes to see me, but he doesn't sleep over. One night it was raining and I wanted him to stay for the night, so I hid his pants. He was very upset and when I gave him back his pants, he told me that I was stupid and he was not coming back because I am trying to mash up his marriage. Now, when he comes to see me and we are going to have sex he folds his pants and put it under the pillow. I feel so bad.

I know he wants to leave me and I am doing my best to hold on to him because he treats me well. He is 55 years old and he is like a father to me. So, please tell me what to do.

E.S., St Andrew

Dear E.S.,

This man is 55 years old and you are 24. He is still married and evidently he does not intend to divorce his wife.

Perhaps you are making the mistake that so many women make, and that is believing that because a man might be having an extramarital affair, that means he is unhappy at home. That is not necessarily true. Some men seek extra pleasure from other women even though they are happily married. They have their girlfriends or go to prostitutes for that oldest excitement.

So don't believe that because he has been going to bed with you, you have him hooked and that he will leave his wife and marry you. He has been good to you, but he is not legally yours. Let him go. You are working. Learn to pay your bills.

Pastor