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I am 24 years old and I am the mother of two children. My mother is living with me. She is here because she has six of us and the condition in which she was living is not good and I needed someone to live in. So, my husband and I discussed it and we decided to allow my mother to come and live with us and help us with the children. My mother has her own room and her own entrance and we pay her $7,000. She doesn't have to pay for anything. She cooks for us and the children like their grandma.
One day, my husband told me that my mother has a man friend, but I did not believe because she is a churchwoman and she is always reading her Bible. My husband told me that he came home one day and he smelled as if someone was smoking cigarette in the house and we all know that my mother does not smoke. I didn't pay my husband any mind and I didn't ask my mother anything, only to discover that my husband was correct.
One morning, I got up and saw a light in my mother's room and I heard a little rumbling. I kept watching to see what was going on and saw a man coming out of my mother's room and she walking behind him and letting him out of the house. When the man was gone, I approached her and we had an argument over it. My mother told me that I shouldn't treat her as a child and the man has his own home, and if I don't want him to visit her, I would have to give her the time to visit him.
Pastor, my mother is 60 years old. Why should she be sleeping with a man in our house? I am very upset because my husband told me that I should leave her alone and I should remember that my mother would need company sometimes. Since that time, my mother and I are not getting along. She has accused me of trying to treat her as a child.
Was I wrong to talk to her about bringing a man into our home without our permission?
I.E.
Dear I.E.,
I am glad that your husband and yourself have employed your mother to live and work in your home. She is not being treated as a helper, but as a part of the family and, indeed, she is. I am glad that she has her own room and her own entrance so that she can go and come as she pleases. However, she should have advised you that she is in love with a man and he will visit her from time to time. She shouldn't have allowed him to sneak in and out of the house.
Now, I am going to beg you to go easy with your mother. It seems to me that you might have been rough on her. If, indeed, you do not wish for the man to come and visit her, you should tell her so. But she would need time to go and visit him. I know you must be concerned about your mother because you know that men have not been kind to her in the past and now that she is earning some money, this man might take advantage of her and she may give him some of the money that she has earned from you.
Please do not give your mother the impression that she should not have a man in her life if she chooses to do so. The man can visit her but not necessarily sleep over. Sit and talk to your mother woman to woman and assure her of your love for her and tell her that you appreciate everything that she has done for the children, your husband and yourself.
Pastor
