Dear Pastor,

I have been involved with a gentleman in Jamaica for almost two years. I live abroad and, if I tell you that I have given him the equivalent to what would amount to a house payment, I would not be exaggerating.

Without going through a lot of details, although he is working, he was not able to meet his obligations, so I have assisted beyond measure. I have visited him a number of times and paid for most things.

My hope and desire is that, once he comes here, that he will be able to contribute as he should to the household as a man, and not feel embarrassed that he is not in a position to do so now.

J.S., U.S.A

Dear J.S.,

You have not mentioned whether or not you are married to this man. Therefore, I must pass on a word of caution to you. If what you have given to this man, you consider to be loans, you should have documentation to prove same. If they are gifts and the relationship did not work and both of you had to go your separate ways, you should not expect him to repay you.

Too many women have given their hard-earned money to assist men to buy property and to do other business, and when the men believe that they have accomplished what they wanted, they leave these women in the cold, so to speak. The women often have nothing to prove that they have assisted these men and it was a business transaction.

It is prudent for the borrower and the lender to sign a little agreement, even if they trust each other. Love sometimes goes sour. It is not always sweet. And some people have had to learn the hard way and are suffering as a result.

Lovers ought to trust each other. But, the truth is, too many people are not trustworthy. Henry David Thoreau wrote, "I think that we may safely trust a good deal more than we do. We may waive just so much care of ourselves as we honestly bestow elsewhere."

Pastor