Dear Pastor,

Greetings to you in the name of our soon-coming King. Many of the people who write to you are adulterers. I am married to a man and, from the time we got married, I saw signs that he is an adulterer. Sometimes when he comes home late at night, I can smell perfume on him and I know that he has been with another woman. I can understand that if he goes to dance and dances with other women, that can happen, because he would hold the women and dance with them. But that is not the case. Sometimes I smell his breath and I know that he is kissing other women.

I used to have sex with my husband without a condom, but I don't do that anymore, and he doesn't fuss when I tell him to use the condom. I make sure that I keep it under my pillow. My husband does security work and he is a very strong man. If I allow him, he will have sex with me all night and never stop. I asked him what he is using and he said nothing. I don't believe him, because nobody could just go on and on like that without ejaculating. Sometimes I come several times and he hasn't come once.

Last night I had to beg him to stop, because I had to get up early to go to the country. When he stopped, he hissed his teeth and say, "That is why men have to keep other women." My mother says that I am feeding him too well.

G.D.

Dear G.D.,

Your husband has not denied that he has other women. He seems not to be satisfied with you alone. I suppose you have tried your very best to meet his sexual needs, but you are falling short. He can be using that as an excuse for his unfaithfulness. So, don't allow what he says to you to cause you to feel that you are to be blamed for his lifestyle.

You are a wise woman. You are insisting that he uses the condom when he is having sex with you. You are very wise in doing so. This man is a security officer. One wonders where he gets the time to meet with these other women. On the other hand, a man will always find time to do what he wants to do. I hope that your husband will learn to settle down. I know that you do not want to leave him, so it would be good if both of you could agree to meet with a family counsellor for professional help.

Pastor