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I have been married to my husband for five years. Since we have been married, we have not been able to live together. I live abroad and he lives in St Andrew, Jamaica. I have been working on his papers to get him to live with me abroad. I visit him very often, at least four times a year. We do not have any children together. I would like to wait until we share a home as a family.
My husband is a very jealous man. He wants me to be either at work or home. I have no social life but I don't mind because I don't like going out. My husband started to hang around a few single ladies. I warned him that it was not wise for a married man to be in the constant company of single women. He didn't listen and now one of them is carrying his child.
My heart feels like it has been ripped to shreds a million times over. He said he only had sex once with the woman and he was drunk. I told him I don't believe him. He will admit to only one time because she is pregnant. He wants this marriage to work, but I am not so sure anymore. I love him and that won't change but I am no fool. He seems remorseful, but who knows? I am still abroad but whenever I visit him in Jamaica he has me up and down, all over town, professing his love to me and letting the world know he loves his wife. I believe he does love me. We have been together since high school.
My problem is whether I should try to work on my marriage with him or just set him free. I will never really know the whole story because people lie all the time. I am now always suspicious, extremely jealous and constantly second-guessing my judgement. I had planned a peaceful life with this man, now I have baby-mama drama at my doorstep.
I have spoken to this female a few times and she has never been disrespectful. She also validates his story. I think about all the details as to how he might have touched her, held her, kissed her, everything, and it drives me crazy. I am just longing for peace of mind. The baby is due early next year.
My question to you is, from your counselling experience is it better to just walk away from this type of potentially volatile situation, or should I try to make things work with my husband?
Broken Heart,
Dear Broken Heart,
You may never know if this man has spoken the whole truth. One thing he has not denied is that the woman is carrying his child. You cannot be sure whether he would continue the intimate relationship with the mother after she has given birth.
Nevertheless, I suggest you give this man another chance because you have expressed your strong love for him. Both of you should go and see a family counsellor and try to put your marriage together. If in the future your husband plays the fool again, it would be time to move on.
Pastor
