Dear Pastor,

I am a regular reader of your column. I have something that has been bothering me for seven years. When I was in my late teens, I had a boyfriend who cared a lot about me. After about two years in the relationship we parted, but we still remained good friends. However, during the time of our friendship, he and my sister got involved and they had a child together. She is again pregnant for him.

I have tried for many years, to bury my anger towards them but, every time I see either of them or my nephew, I feel that anger all over again. It is just the thought that she knew we were lovers, and he knew that we are sisters, that makes me so angry.

Deeply Angered, St Catherine

Dear Deeply Angered,

I understand what you are saying and your reaction is normal. It is something you have to deal with, but it is natural for a person to feel angry or resentful towards anyone who has hurt them in the way you have described.

Your ex-boyfriend and your sister do not have good morals. Your sister made herself very cheap by having a sexual relationship with your ex-boyfriend. Your ex-boyfriend has behaved as a mongrel. No excuse that they may make for becoming sexually involved is good enough.

However, having said the above, you have to learn to move on. There must come a time for forgiveness and healing. It will not come overnight but God is able to give you the strength and the courage for you to see your sister and this man and not hate them. Perhaps you may need to see a psychologist or a family counsellor who will work with you until you feel you have overcome your hurt and the anger you feel within.

I want you to read Psalm 23 and Psalm 18:2. when you feel discouraged, read Psalm 27:1-14. My prayers are with you.

Pastor