Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and Iunmarried. I am living with my mother. I would like to go on my own but I am staying with my mother and that is helping me to save more money, and at the same time help her to pay the bills. In about six months, she will finish paying for her house. My mother is a Christian and I used to be a Christian. I would like to go back to church and be active again, but I have a boyfriend and sometimes I go to his house and sleep with him.

He is not the one who was responsible for getting me to stop going to church. When I was 24 I was engaged to be married. The man who I was engaged to was not a Christian and I practically lived with him. One night I caught him having sex with another woman in his car, and she was my good friend. I almost went crazy. I gave him back his ring. He and that woman got married but the marriage only lasted for two years.

It is hard to trust men. Whenever I go to my boyfriend's house, I am always looking around for clues to see if any woman was there. I have a key to my boyfriend's apartment. I can go there at any time. I told him I must have a key. Without a key to his apartment, I wouldn't feel comfortable.

My boyfriend is hardworking and good looking. Sometimes my boyfriend and I only have sex once or twice per week. He is complaining, saying that is not enough for him. He is 26 and muscular but looks older than his age. No one knows he is younger than I am. We have been friends for two years. Both of us have good jobs.

He is trying to get me pregnant before we get married. I don't know why I can't get pregnant. My first boyfriend did not get me pregnant either and we didn't use condoms. I always wanted a child before I turned 30. Do you think something is wrong with me?

Some of my girlfriends have told me what to do to get pregnant. I have done them and nothing has happened. I hate to see my period. I hope you will answer my letter.

T.U.

Dear T.U.,

Some women take years to become pregnant. You are eager to become pregnant, perhaps to prove you are a woman or to hasten your wedding day. You seem to believe if you were to have a child your boyfriend would marry you. However, if your boyfriend truly loves you, he would marry you whether you have a child or not.

I am assuming you have been to see your gynaecologist and have told him/her of your desire to become pregnant. If you haven't, you should. However, I must remind you becoming pregnant will not necessarily cause a man to marry you.

I would also suggest this young man and you make an appointment to see a family counsellor. I wish you well.

Pastor