Dear Pastor,

I have read many of your columns and I am impressed by your serious answers. I am a man with a problem. Some people may not consider it a big problem, but only men with similar problems that I am having can understand what I am going through.

Pastor, I am married to my high school sweetheart. I thought we were in love. We were attending the same church and everybody knew that we were in love with each other. We sang together on the junior choir. Her parents accepted me and my parents accepted her.

After we got married, my wife got a scholarship to study abroad, so we decided that we would not try to have any children until she was finished with university. We called each other every day while she was away. Then she told me that she was neglecting her studies by talking to me for so long on the phone every day. So we cut down on the amount of time we used to spend talking. Then I noticed that she stopped calling totally and the only time we talked was when I called.

After she was away for some time, she came to visit me and she was not talking and behaving as a Christian. She did not believe in some of the things we were taught in church. She was in Jamaica for two weeks and only attended church once.

One day we were in bed together and she asked me if while she was away I had sex with anybody and I said 'no'. I asked her if she did and she told me that it could have happened because male and female lived on the same dorm and one of the guys liked her and she was getting to like him, but she remembered the vows she made on her wedding day. We did not argue about it.

Six months after she went back to America, she called and said that she has to confess that she lied to me because she had sex with the guy and she is no longer in love with me, so I should move on with my life. And I should not blame myself for what she did.

Pastor, I am only 25 years old and she is only 24. How can I go on without her?

J.B.

Dear J.B.,

You have to do exactly what this woman told you to do. When the telephone calls became infrequent and your wife began to complain that the conversations between herself and you were too long, she was trying to tell you that all was not well. You did not realise that she was sending you a message. And that message was that she was losing interest in the marriage. You thought that she was concerned only about her studies.

The woman has backslidden. She has given away what you alone should have. She is now living in the fast lane. She believes that her eyes have been opened to a better way of life. She might be heading for destruction, but she is not aware of it. Now you are just an ordinary fellow and she is now associating with intellectuals. She can't be bothered with you. You are not speaking her language. You are not in her league.

My brother, nothing spiritual is enticing to her. The marriage is just about dead. Well, she told you that it is already dead. And when something is dead, there is only one thing left to be done and that is to have the burial. It would take a miracle to cause this woman to change.

Pastor