Shaky relationship - Tell Me Pastor - Jamaica Star

Dear Pastor,

Two years and 10 months ago I entered into this rocky relationship. I met this young man at teacher's college. When I started dating him he was dating two other young women. With my warm personality and sweet charm I captivated his heart and we both settled with each other and we were so in love.

During our first summer apart, we started to argue about a young woman who liked him. He proved to me that there was nothing to argue about.

In my third year at college, I went to a party with my friend (female). I enjoyed myself to the fullest. The next day he asked me if I enjoyed myself and I told him, yes. He went on to ask me if I danced and I did say yes. He then asked if I danced with anyone and I told him that I did. I did not know that I was setting myself up by telling him that I danced with someone. This was just a simple dance, no strings attached. Unfortunately, I could not tell him that.

regret

He was disappointed in me and it caused a big argument which involved my friend. The trust that he had for me died. He was very hurt by my behaviour. Obviously, he thought I was cheating on him. Nothing could convince him that I was faithful. All this led him to demand a break-up of our relationship. He broke off our relationship for a month, a month that we indeed regret. During that month he sought help from his ex-girlfriend. I was so hurt when I found out.

I then met a friend (male). He was fun to be around. He was just like my girlfriends. My friend and girlfriends helped me out in my time of hurt. They were there to cheer me up and keep me alive. He finally broke the silence and we both agreed to continue our relationship, but we started on a new note. He told me to cut the friendship with my new friend because he is jealous of him. I agreed to not speak to my ex-boyfriend again.

All was good until I saw the guy few months after and gave him my BlackBerry pin number. We started having problems in our relationship again. I admit that I should not have given my pin to the man. My boyfriend then saw a sexual conversation in the phone. I did not have sex with this guy, but my boyfriend became angry. He did what he wanted to do and resolved the issue. But he is still upset and still makes a big deal out of the matter, although we are still together. I cried and spoke strongly for my relationship. He even told me it would have been better if I ended the relationship.

He gives me no space or privacy. He searches my phone regularly and my Facebook account. He has the password for my Facebook account even though I do not give it to him. I did not change my Facebook password because I have nothing to hide.

messages

We both prayed for our relationship and continued. Nowadays, he is acting very secretive, especially when it comes to his phone calls and texts. One night I had to argue with him so that he could take his phone out and read his texts. Why should he have messages that he cannot read around me? This led me to search his phone and I saw what he was hiding. These were messages that he was hiding from his other girlfriend that he met one year after me. I called the young woman and told her who I was and that I am not comfortable with the way she is communicating with him. She told me he is her friend and she respects his relationship and that she will adjust it. She called him minutes later to complain and I laughed and said how foolish of her. Note that I spoke with him before I called her. He said she was just a friend and there is nothing to worry about. He hides "female friends" from me and say he does not tell me certain things because he knows I will argue (If there is something for me to argue about I will).

Pastor, how suspicious is that? He tries his best not to leave his phone around me. He has also deactivated his Facebook profile because he did not want me to see when his "female friends" comment on his page. He is hiding something right?

We argue too much, pastor, I love him and I know he loves me very much, but I am sick and annoyed right now.

What should we do? I really need some advice.

J.C., St Mary

Dear J.C.,

This relationship is still very shaky. This man does not trust you and I doubt that you trust him. And a relationship must be built on respect and trust. Time might prove me wrong and I'll be happy if I am wrong. But it does not appear that this man has his heart in this relationship. You love him more than he loves you. And you would be wise to carve out a future for yourself without him. I believe that you are running after a bubble that will burst.

Pastor

		September 8, 2011
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	Shaky relationship
	Dear Pastor, Two years and 10 months ago I entered into this rocky relationship. I met this young man at teacher's college. When I started dating him he was dating two other young women. With my warm personality and sweet charm I captivated his heart and we both settled with each other and we were so in love. During our first summer apart, we started to argue about a young woman who liked him. He proved to me that there was nothing to argue about. In my third year at college, I went to a party with my friend (female). I enjoyed myself to the fullest. The next day he asked me if I enjoyed myself and I told him, yes. He went on to ask me if I danced and I did say yes. He then asked if I danced with anyone and I told him that I did. I did not know that I was setting myself up by telling him that I danced with someone. This was just a simple dance, no strings attached. Unfortunately, I could not tell him that. regret He was disappointed in me and it caused a big argument which involved my friend. The trust that he had for me died. He was very hurt by my behaviour. Obviously, he thought I was cheating on him. Nothing could convince him that I was faithful. All this led him to demand a break-up of our relationship. He broke off our relationship for a month, a month that we indeed regret. During that month he sought help from his ex-girlfriend. I was so hurt when I found out. I then met a friend (male). He was fun to be around. He was just like my girlfriends. My friend and girlfriends helped me out in my time of hurt. They were there to cheer me up and keep me alive. He finally broke the silence and we both agreed to continue our relationship, but we started on a new note. He told me to cut the friendship with my new friend because he is jealous of him. I agreed to not speak to my ex-boyfriend again. All was good until I saw the guy few months after and gave him my BlackBerry pin number. We started having problems in our relationship again. I admit that I should not have given my pin to the man. My boyfriend then saw a sexual conversation in the phone. I did not have sex with this guy, but my boyfriend became angry. He did what he wanted to do and resolved the issue. But he is still upset and still makes a big deal out of the matter, although we are still together. I cried and spoke strongly for my relationship. He even told me it would have been better if I ended the relationship. He gives me no space or privacy. He searches my phone regularly and my Facebook account. He has the password for my Facebook account even though I do not give it to him. I did not change my Facebook password because I have nothing to hide. messages We both prayed for our relationship and continued. Nowadays, he is acting very secretive, especially when it comes to his phone calls and texts. One night I had to argue with him so that he could take his phone out and read his texts. Why should he have messages that he cannot read around me? This led me to search his phone and I saw what he was hiding. These were messages that he was hiding from his other girlfriend that he met one year after me. I called the young woman and told her who I was and that I am not comfortable with the way she is communicating with him. She told me he is her friend and she respects his relationship and that she will adjust it. She called him minutes later to complain and I laughed and said how foolish of her. Note that I spoke with him before I called her. He said she was just a friend and there is nothing to worry about. He hides "female friends" from me and say he does not tell me certain things because he knows I will argue (If there is something for me to argue about I will). Pastor, how suspicious is that? He tries his best not to leave his phone around me. He has also deactivated his Facebook profile because he did not want me to see when his "female friends" comment on his page. He is hiding something right? We argue too much, pastor, I love him and I know he loves me very much, but I am sick and annoyed right now. What should we do? I really need some advice. J.C., St Mary Dear J.C., This relationship is still very shaky. This man does not trust you and I doubt that you trust him. And a relationship must be built on respect and trust. Time might prove me wrong and I'll be happy if I am wrong. But it does not appear that this man has his heart in this relationship. You love him more than he loves you. And you would be wise to carve out a future for yourself without him. I believe that you are running after a bubble that will burst. Pastor

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