Once in the past I saw fingernail scratches all over his body, and he told me that a girl who liked him was fighting him for his phone. I later realised that he and the girl exchanged phones. I told him if he really loves me, he should go for it, then he did. People have even told me they saw both of them together on several occasions kissing and hugging. That girl is no longer in the picture now, but I clearly think he is cheating on me. He denied it all until now that he and the girl ever had any form of sexual contact. I find it very difficult to believe all what he is saying, because I remember clearly that he told me the girl gave him oral sex. When I talked about it, he told me I was dreaming or he would say, "Lord God, mi woman a hallucinate."

I have dated over 50 people, and none has ever turned out to be the one I want to be with. I know I am young, but I live alone and I really want a good partner to keep my company. I love sex. In fact, I have to masturbate every night before I can close my eyes comfortably. Having sex with my boyfriend makes me feel as if I am wasting my precious sex.

Don't get me wrong, pastor, I go out with guys, but those guys I don't have sex with. I have only had five sex partners already.

What should I do? Should I continue being with someone who doesn't meet my physical, educational and status requirements, but is serious about us? This person can hardly read and that is why he will beat me up sometimes, because he thinks every pieces of paper he finds me with has something bad on there, because he can't read properly at age 28 years old. He can't even come to live with me, because he will not be able to find any job, except painting. I love him though, but love is doing nothing for me nowadays, so I can't focus much on it.

Negroes do not turn me on, even if I know for sure that our life is going to be great together. I would never date one of them. I am not prejudiced or a racist, but I want someone different from me in culture, religion, way of life etc.

I have even tried lesbianism, but girls are hard to grab because they want to be with guys. If or when I become a lesbian, I want to say bye to males.

I confessed to this new guy that I like him and he said he has another girl who he likes, and having two girls would make him uncomfortable. Also, he said he wouldn't want to hurt me in any way so he prefers to be my friend. That is heart aching. I just want to feel loved by one person that makes sense to life.

C.H.,

Dear C.H.,

I have deleted much of your letter. I am convinced that you need professional help right away. You are unhappy, confused and depressed. You are with the wrong man and your lifestyle needs to change. I am not here to condemn you, but I will be praying for you and I will contact you very soon.

Pastor