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Dear Pastor,
I am 16. A year and three months ago, I met this lovely guy and we got into a relationship. He is committed to me. He tries his best to see me and we talk often over the phone. I met his mother, sister, cousins and brother. We have sex once in a while. He is everything I want. He is caring, loving and always there for me, no matter what. He is five years older than I am. He tells me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me.
A few months ago, I met another guy and I really like him. He lives near to me. We had sex. One day, my boyfriend took me out for lunch. He went to the bathroom and I sent the guy I met and had sex with a text message, saying I was out with my boyfriend.
When my boyfriend came back, I put my phone in my bag. He thought I was acting weird, so he asked me for my phone and I gave it to him. He saw a text in my phone and asked me what it was about. I didn't know what to say. He walked out and I walked out, trying to see if we could talk it over. He broke up with me and I tried everything to get him back. He tried to run me and all but I still tried.
He gave me a second chance and said if I wanted him back, I had to stop talking to the guy. I agreed. I told the guy and he said it was okay and he was sorry for causing problems between my boyfriend and I. I told him I would still talk to him. I still talk to him but I don't tell my boyfriend.
The last time I saw my boyfriend, I looked into his phone and saw a text he had sent to a girl, calling her 'boo' and 'baby'. That is what he used to call me. After seeing that, I felt he was cheating. He told me that after I saw that text I have been acting different, and that I am the only girl he loves. He had sex with someone else but he said that he wasn't serious about her. I forgave him. I really regret and hate what I did to him.
If we have problems, I tell him and sometimes he says he doesn't want any more drama with me. Sometimes he would apologise and try to make things better. To me, in his view, everything is okay with us, but, in my mind, I am sad and hurt. We tell each other "I love you" every time we talk and he knows how to make me smile.
Pastor, I beg for your help. What can I do for the relationship to be better and for me to be happy again?
A.W., Kingston
Dear A.W.,
You don't know much about love. You believe because you are 16 and your boyfriend, who is 21 years old, told you he would like to spend the rest of his life with you, that you are a big woman. What you don't know is that men tell women they would like to spend the rest of their lives with them all the time, but it means nothing. Many times the men are only fooling the girls. It is what is called 'man talk'. I repeat, it doesn't mean anything.
You have been behaving as a bad girl and equating sex and love to be the same. You believe because a man has sex with you he loves you. That is a big mistake. Men have sex with as many women who are available and it has nothing to do with love.
You have to learn to talk to men, socialise with them but don't allow them to have their way with you. If you do, by the time you are 25, you will develop a very bad reputation. This man you consider to be your boyfriend has other women. You have given him good reasons to believe you are very cheap and easy to get.
Pastor
