Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I am in love with two different men. The first man is 49 and we have been together for three years. As you can see, there is a 28-year age difference. It bothers me a bit, but I love him. Sometimes I ask myself if it is fair for me to be with him when he has already lived the best years of his life. I want to get married and have children, but he is not in a position to do so.

Another problem I am having is that the sex is not as good for me as it is for him. It is sometimes frustrating because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I have to think about someone else to get through it. Because of him, I have no friends. He is extremely jealous. If I talk about going back to school or getting a job, he starts talking about other men. I don't want to be in a relationship without trust.

The other guy is 19. He is really mature for his age. He knows what he wants and he works towards achieving it, and that is why I am attracted to him. We don't get to spend as much time as we would like together, because I am living with someone else. He is currently training to be an officer and I know he is going to want me to be with him when he comes home. He is my dream guy, but I have a hard time trusting people.

I really don't know what to do. Should I stay where it is safe or do I take the risk? I really need your advice.

T.

Dear T.,

Without a doubt, you need to end the relationship with the 49-year-old man you are living with because you do not love him. You would like to get married and have children, and according to you, he is not in a position to marry you and impregnate you. Evidently, he enjoys having a relationship with you, but you are very unhappy.

He is a stumbling block in your way. He doesn't trust you and he doesn't want you to become educated. You should get out of this relationship as soon as you can. If your parents are alive, you should return home. If you are not working, you need to get yourself a job and be in a position to send yourself back to evening school.

Concerning this 19-year-old young man, you should keep him just as a good friend and don't be in a hurry to make this relationship permanent. Although you are 21 years old, I can see that you need guidance. Don't allow the years to go by without working on a career. And please take the first step of freedom by moving out of this 49-year-old man's house.

Pastor