Dear Pastor,

I am a married woman and I am a Christian. My husband and I have been married for 14 years but I am much younger than he is. He is 72 and I have just turned 50. For about five years now, my husband cannot do much when it comes to sex. He cannot have an erection. He has gone to many doctors and taken all the drugs they prescribed to him.

Pastor, I know he is not a young man anymore, but I still want to have sex. We practice oral sex, but that alone cannot satisfy me. This man has given me everything that he can. We have our own home and money is not a problem. My problem is sex.

I went to Michigan in April this year, and for the first time I cheated on my husband. When that happened the first night, I couldn't sleep because the man I had sex with is my husband's cousin and they are very close. It happened another night, but this time he didn't have to ask me for it. I offered it to him. And since I have came back to Jamaica, we have been in touch but my husband doesn't know about it.

My husband suffers from diabetes and sometimes he gets very depressed. And the doctor said the diabetes is the cause of his impotence. Since my husband is not able to have sex with me, he is always questioning where I am going. And if I am talking to any man on the phone, he gets angry. I have not had sex with anybody apart from the man in Michigan, but I have been tempted many times.

My husband has been drinking heavily. His relative is encouraging me to leave him, but I told him that I can't do that but I could keep him as my boyfriend.

I know that you are going to say that what I am doing is wrong. I know that, but what else can I do? I need a man in my life.

W.L., Jamaica

Dear W.L.,

When you married this man, you knew that he was by far your senior and that there would have come a time when he would not have been capable of having sex with you, but you married him nevertheless.

What you are experiencing is something every woman should expect. As a man gets older, he might not be able to have or maintain an erection, and therefore you may not be able to have coitus. It is unfortunate that your answer to this man's problem is to cheat with one of his cousins. Your poor husband is trying to satisfy you by practising oral sex, but you need more. Therefore, you have decided to cheat.

There are many things an impotent man and his woman can do to give both of them satisfaction. I therefore suggest that you speak to a sex therapist. He/she will inform you about all the methods that can be used to bring sexual satisfaction between your husband and yourself.

It is indeed very unfortunate that your husband's cousin and you have gone to bed. You have not been a good wife and your husband's cousin should not have encouraged you to cheat on your husband, neither should he be encouraging you to leave him and come to him. You are destroying your marriage. Please resist every temptation to cheat, whether it is with his cousin or any other man.

Although your husband is not aware that you have cheated with his cousin, he can read your body language and your attitude towards him. And he knows that when it comes to intimacy, you need much more than what he has been able to offer. And he suspects that you might be seeing another man.

Pastor