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Dear Pastor,
I am a married woman and my husband is having an affair with a much younger woman. Both of us are in our 50s. He accuses me of taking him for granted and not paying attention to my appearance. We have two children at university. I take care of the boy and he takes care of the girl. My husband makes much more than I do. Anything our daughter wants, he gives it to her. I struggle to take care of the boy, but both children are very close to us.
My husband complains that the only responsibility that I have is to help our son and to take care of my car. He is well-known so he is always getting invitations to attend functions and I cannot always go because I cannot afford to buy new clothes.
My husband likes porn. I have seen him looking at porn on his computer. He tells me that if he doesn't look at these things he will go crazy because I am not exciting him anymore. He tells me also that I am boring.
This young girl he is having an affair with is only 22 years old and was a former student of his. He would bring Jesus down from the cross. He would never admit that he is having an affair with this young woman whose father is my husband's good friend. But I know that they are having an affair.
A few of his friends put on a surprise birthday party for him and she showed up. I was so annoyed when I saw her. I wanted to confront her but my sister restrained me. I love my husband very much. I just don't know how to get him to stop going with this young girl. But I want her to know that she will never take him away from me because we are coming from too far.
G.A.,
Dear G.A.,
Don't try to go toe-to-toe with this young woman. Don't get into any argument with her and don't lower yourself by asking her any question. You will have to deal with your husband at home. He says that you are boring. So what he is trying to tell you is that it is his boredom that is causing him to have a fling with this 22-year-old young woman.
I am sure that you have your faults, but what your husband seems to be doing is to be blaming you for all the wrong things he is doing. If he is unhappy in the relationship, then both of you should go to see a family counsellor and learn creative ways of spicing up the relationship, so to speak.
Just looking at porn wouldn't help. I sense also that there is a breakdown in communication in the house between the both of you. You seem to be saying that you are not earning enough to buy the things that are necessary to go out to functions, etc. And perhaps you need to go to the gym and to keep fit, but you need additional funds to do so. If your husband and yourself were communicating well, he would have been made aware that you need more money to take care of these things.
Therefore, I am suggesting that you talk to him about both of you going to see a family counsellor before the relationship deteriorates further.
Make sure that when you are talking to him you don't mention the young woman's name. If you do, he might not be willing to go with you for counselling.
Pastor
