Dear Pastor,

I am in love with a man who is very rough, but he is very nice. I am trying my best with him because my children's father and I were living for 15 years and he went away and never looked back on me. He never used to talk much and people in the community used to say that he was such a quiet and nice man. But I had hell with him when it came to money. He was very tight with money. And all the time I was with him, he had other women with me. After he went away I found out that he has a child outside and that child is the same age as my child.

This man I am with now doesn't come home any Friday without grocery. He helps me to pay the light and water bill, but he talks to the children very rough and I have to tell him that is not the way to talk to them. He said he grew up rough and that boy children shouldn't be treated as babies.

He helps me to pay a partner and for my birthday he bought me a fridge. The children love him for that. I used to have to beg neighbours for ice. Now the neighbours are coming to me for ice.

I had to teach him to use knife and fork and he tells everybody that we are going to get married but it comes to me as a joke because he hasn't asked me yet.

S.L., Kingston

Dear S.L.,

It seems to me that you have to stick with this rough man. He needs to learn social graces and also learn to relate to the children. But he is a good man. He is helpful and he knows how to take care of a woman better than the men who are tender towards women. You dare not run this man because you are going to be hurting yourself. Don't let him feel embarrassed at any time.

Quietly teach him how to conduct himself and assure him of your love.

Pastor