Dear Pastor,

I am 25 years old and I am living with a man who is also 25 years old. I am a teacher and he is a businessman. At present, I am two months pregnant for him, but I am not sure I want to carry this baby. I am Christian minded. And when I decided to move in with him, he told me that whenever I get pregnant we would get married because he didn't want to marry any woman who can't get pregnant. I was on the pill, so I got off the pill. And now that I am pregnant, he is changing tune.

Now he says that I should wait until we have our own home because he doesn't want to get married and live in a rented house. I feel ashamed to go back to school in September, and I am not married and everybody would see that I am not married. The children at school respect me and I would not know how to face them.

I went to see his mother and asked her to talk to him, but she said he is a big man and she can't force him to marry me. I felt so upset when she said that I am a big woman, and if I didn't want to get pregnant I should not have allowed him to do so to me. She said when she got pregnant the first time, she wasn't married, so I should not stress out myself.

Pastor, if he does not agree to marry me, I am going to leave him and do an abortion. I would like to hear your opinion.

R.R.,

Dear R.R.,

I cannot encourage you to terminate your pregnancy. I know you are disappointed in this young man. He has not kept his word. He lied to you. You had no reason to believe that he was lying. You trusted him, but now you know that you cannot believe everything he says.

I know you are feeling embarrassed to return to school as a pregnant unmarried woman, but remember after a while the students won't remember that you are not married. What you ought to be more concerned about is the decision he has taken not to get married until he is able to purchase a home. Of course he is talking nonsense. You should, therefore, let him know that you are aware that you cannot force him to marry you, but you are not prepared to continue to live with him in concubinage. So if he is not prepared to marry you soon, you should rent an apartment and move out.

Pastor