Tambareen Nation an Mix-Up Fambily large up unu self. An bless up to all linky-linky pon Tambareen Radio ova mixupyaad.com. On to di drama!

Dear Mr Tamberine man!

What a lot of crap and foolishness you write. Someone told me you're supposed to be educated, education was wasted on you! I really don't know why any newspaper would waste space on you; have they nothing better to report? They are obviously desperate and can't find anyone from the literary field, so trying to link with youth culture, but lost the plot along the way.

Stop writing your f... It's not clever specially in these adverse economic and political times. Teach the youth some sense as opposed to nonsense. That's if you have any yourself. You sound like some sex-starved pervert. Clean up your act and get some training to relate and become a positive role model for the younger generation. Get them involved in current affairs and self-improvement rather than chat —-t.

Ms Morgan.

Good day Ms Morgan

I Ragashanti, di King of Mix Up, is obviously in receipt of your electronic correspondence. On reading your email, I released my usual chuckle that is expended whenever I get mail of a similar nature to yours. I generally ignore these mails, but every now and then I'll publicly respond to one for entertainment purposes, as I've long been acutely aware that entertainment is usually ineffective if there's no drama. So now YOU are presently the drama.

A simple analysis of your email yields the usual, predictable dearth of juvenile assumptions common to elitist, classist, but patently dunce people as yourself. I'm not the least bit surprised with your preoccupation with my education and your consequent underdeveloped recommendations. That's actually quite regular from your cronies, so please join the line.

Neither am I surprised at your incapacity to reasonably understand what is it that brand Ragashanti does, because with people like you if a phenomenon doesn't fit in your traditionally scripted paradigm then it must be wrong.

'Boring' is a word too exciting to describe your pedestrian and reactionary parroting of the usual slew of wanna-be-bright hypocrites that I hear every day. However, if perchance you would like to be blessed with some of my intellectual juices, please ensure that when next you write you take care to spread out some high-quality cerebral goodies that would be most certain to get me intellectually erect. Only then would I be motivated to sink my cognitive hardness in your recesses. Cause a mus smaddy yuh a look.

Oh! One more thing, as my column is primarily one of entertainment, please indulge me as I further share my opinions of you, accompanied with some recommendations, all in the Jamaican vernacular. Please resist all efforts to succumb to the knee-jerk, infantile inclinations and assumptions that usually characterise the behaviours of idiots like yourself.

And remember, it was you who first peppered me with disrespectful rhetoric, thus I hope you're mature enough to stand strong in my response. That which will now flow is pure indigenous poetry creatively laced with some powerful local metaphors and references of which you should be ecstatically proud as a Jamaican. Bon appétit!

Nastiniss!! Weh inna garbage truck more important dan crebeh-crebeh like you!! Anyting weh dem dump a Riverton City have more value dan yuh! Yuh mus be a walking mattress to di boasy people dem. Likkle gyal, know yuh role an slow yuh roll! Don't get broite! Yuh can bet seh all Madusa a hot gyal fi yuh. Yuh wi always see dis an hate dis, but yuh can neva control dis. So jus gwaan buil wid yuh dollar nookie self. KMT!!

Reach Ragashanti at mixupraga@gmail.com or PO Box 5866, Liguanea PO, Kingston 6.