Dear Pastor,

I am 50 years old and I am married. My husband and I are having problems. He gambles and drinks. But apart from that, over the 25 years we have been married, I did not know that he had another woman in the country and that he has two children with her. We have been friends from I was 18 years old. When he was not at home, I thought he was at work. He has a job that allows him to be away from home. It is since one of my daughters went to college, she found out that she had a sister at the same school.

The other girl knew that her father was married, but did not know how many children he has. She said he never discussed that with them. The girl showed my daughter a picture of herself and her father. When I confronted my husband, he admitted everything and he asked me what I am going to do. I told him I don't want to see him anymore, but I don't know what to do. His children love him. And my daughter likes her sister, and is very excited, because she only has a brother and she would like to invite the girl home to spend a weekend with us.

I don't know what time my husband has to live a double life. And how he has been able to live that way for so long? If you see him you will believe that he can't 'mash ants.' Even when I raise my voice at him he tells me not to talk so loud.

I am so confused. I don't know what to do.

Confused Wife,

Dear Confused Wife,

I want you to understand that when a man wants to have an affair with another woman, he is never too busy to find time for her. When a man tells a woman that because of his work he is too busy to see her, he is telling her that he is not interested in her and he is fooling her.

So although your husband was busy, (and I would not divulge the type of work he does) he made time to see his sweetheart and to establish another family with her. Old time people say, "What is in the dark will come to light."

Madam, your husband has not denied anything. Evidently he is very penitent. And he is asking you what you are going to do. Is he asking you whether you are going to leave him or stay with him? I know that you feel hurt, but does it make sense leaving him at this stage? I would think not.

Your daughter is happy getting to know her sister. Accept the girl with open arms. She has nothing to do with what has happened between her mother and your husband. Try to get your husband to go with you to see a family counsellor. And try to see whether both of you can deal with the problems he has created.

Pastor