Dear Pastor,

Greetings. I am a regular reader of your column. I am 35 and a Christian. My husband is 57 years old and he is having a big problem. We were engaged for a year and were married five months ago. It was the biggest mistake I have ever made. As Christians, we did not have sex before we got married. He has two children.

I had two boyfriends in my life. The first man in my life was 55 and married. He went to live abroad and the relationship ended. My second boyfriend and I were in university together and we slept together. My roommate had a boyfriend and he used to sleep there too so we didn't have a problem.

I became a Christian after attending a crusade, so I broke up with my boyfriend because he told me that he was not ready to become a Christian. That is when I met the man I married. He was very charming and I got to love him. He didn't pressure me for sex, even though at times I told him we should do it and use a condom. Looking back now, I am sorry I didn't try to rape him.

no erection

After we got married, the first night was nothing but a disaster. He couldn't get an erection. I did everything to try to have sex. I was so frustrated that I called my maid of honour, who is my closest girlfriend and she told me to try putting my mouth on his penis, but that didn't work. I gave up and went to bed. At the breakfast table, I asked him what was going on and he could not give me a reason why he could not have an erection.

We didn't go anywhere during the day. We went back to bed and tried again. My girlfriend called me later in the evening and asked me if everything was OK, and I told her yes, but I lied.

No one knows what I am going through. I have gone to the doctor with him and the doctor has tried to help him without success. This man has ruined my life because he knew he could not have sex. He only wanted to have a beautiful woman as his wife. I know what I have to do, but, before I do, I would like your opinion.

R., St.Andrew

Dear R.,

Evidently, you love to have relationships with men who are much older. Regrettably, the man you married has not been able to function sexually. As a result, your marriage has not been consummated and you have tried your very best to see whether your husband can receive medical help, but to no avail.

It would be difficult for me as a counsellor to tell you to remain in this relationship. You were looking forward to a healthy and enjoyable married life, with all its comforts and thrills, that you have not got and, perhaps, will never get from this man you married.

If his urologist cannot help him, perhaps you should consider speaking to a lawyer. The people in your church may want to know why, but you are not under any obligation to give them the reasons why both of you have decided to go your separate ways. Please let me hear from you again.

Pastor