Dear Pastor,

I have been married for 10 years and I have been very unhappy. I am not dealing with my problems very well. My husband has been accusing me of having sex with both male and female. After work, I don't even want to go home. He nags and nags and nags. And he curses me and tells me anything that comes to his mouth. He is very disrespectful.

My husband does not believe in hard work. I have to be supporting him and he is very ungrateful. He behaves like a woman who waits on her husband's pay cheque every Friday. As soon as I get home, he wants money from me. All my husband does is sit on the couch and watch movies.

We have one child together. America has spoilt my husband. Whenever he wants the car to go out, he bullies me for it. If I say no, it is a big fuss. I told him we should go for counselling and he said that he is not interested. He does not have any respect for me. When my relatives come to visit us, I have to pretend that all is well. I wish he would go and leave me alone.

R.D., Florida, USA

Dear R.D.,

You shouldn't allow this man to spend your money freely and verbally abuse you. Is he trying to say that he is jealous of you? Or is he trying to say that he doesn't trust you? It must be a matter of trust. What have you done to make him believe that you have been unfaithful to him?

I believe that this man is using psychology on you. I doubt very much that he believes what he says about you. He is trying to destroy you slowly to be able to totally control you, and you are behaving as if you are afraid of him. He needs to get up and seek a job. I know that jobs are scarce these days, but he is not helping the relationship by sitting at home all day watching television. If he is not working, then you are paying all the bills. Therefore, you are not able to save.

Perhaps you love him, but love doesn't pay rent, mortgage, grocery bills, doctor bills, etc. If the man cannot find a job, he has to learn to create one for himself. And while he is home, he should clean the house and wash and cook. Insist that he does the house chores. It is time for you to put your foot down and let him realise that you are not playing games with him. He has to pull his weight.

Pastor